Category: Adventures of TheRalph

BAN INCOMING? My Twitter Just Got Locked for 12 Hours…Again (UPDATE)

Earlier this evening, my Twitter was locked for 12 hours. This isn’t the first time this has happened. In fact, by my count, it’s the 5th. But with all the bans going down as of late, I think the final banhammer might be swinging down...

Dear Mama (My Recent Posting Absence Explained)

You might have noticed that I’ve been MIA the last several days. There’s a very good reason for this that has nothing to do with me falling off the wagon, or anything like that. My mother was hospitalized for the last several days due to...

Thoughts on Vaping

When I gave up drink and drugs in late August, I picked up an old and destructive habit a few weeks later. Smoking. Now, I know that smoking is one of the dumbest things you could possible do. I watched it kill my grandmother, for...

Sobriety, 65 Days In

Every once in awhile, I like to write about topics that are outside the normal fare you see here on the site. As you know, I took last week off so I could spend time with my lovely and talented fiancé. I don’t get to...

Back to Work Today

I’ve been relaxing since Friday due to Nora’s arrival stateside. We did do a crazy #Killstream, but other than that there hasn’t been much going on here with the site. Tomorrow I will again be out of sight, but it’s because of a mandated appearance...

Site Issues Fixed

If you’ve been coming to the site the last week, then you know we’ve had some issues as far as keeping the thing up goes. It was just down for 2 hours but it looks like we have the fix installed. Long story short, someone...

Legal/Site Update

As most of you know, I’ve had some legal issues as of late. Luckily, I have secured the services of a very good attorney, so I expect all this to be taken care of to the satisfaction of both me and the State of Virginia....

My Father, My Sobriety, and My Life

Today is my father’s birthday. He’s 62 years old. I learned a lot of things from him, stuff I will always cherish. The love I have for history and politics? I can thank him for that. The obsession I have with movies and media also...

verified Twitter Ralph

I Got Verified on Twitter Yesterday, And Man Did the Salt Flow

Longtime readers of this site know that I love Twitter…maybe a little too much. There’s something about the service that keeps pulling me back in. The way you can read news as it happens, the instant analysis on said news from people you love and...

AND NOW, TIME FOR SOME GOOD NEWS: We’re Getting Married

There’s been some really depressing shit happen to me over the last couple months. We’ve been over my recent troubles quite enough, though, so I won’t waste time repeating the same stuff I’ve already said. Saying things haven’t gone to plan would be an understatement....

The Washington Post Wrote-Up My Recent Run-in With the Law & Hilarity Ensued

I always knew that my recent run-in with the law would make some headlines once it was revealed to the masses. I must say, though, I never thought it would be featured in The Washington Post. But, today it was. A journalist who works for...

I’m Back & Ready to Get to Work

Hello, readers of TheRalphRetort.com. As you know, I’ve had some personal difficulties as of late. The Lemonade post from the other day was dictated by me over a jail phone, which is definitely a first for this site. Of course, it was penned before all...

Jailhouse Ralph

The news about Ethan’s recent absence came out yesterday and it might be prudent to offer some sort of explanation for what’s going on with the site and how things are being run. Ralph already vaguely explained his disappearance earlier this week in a post...

Lemonade

This wasn’t part of the plan. But as you know, life doesn’t go as planned. When unforeseeable circumstances hit you in the stomach, you can only hope friends and family will pick up the slack. Luckily, as Donald Trump would, say I have the best friends...

Checkout My Interview With Red Ice’s Lana Lokteff!

You guys can now check out my interview with Lana Lokteff of Red Ice (which is a badass name for a site, btw). It hasn’t been posted on YouTube yet, and I can’t embed their player here on TRR, so you’ll have to go to their site...

The Rio Olympics Have Turned Out to Be Kinda Shit, Mostly Due to Rio Itself

I’m an avid fan of the Olympics and have been ever since I can remember. I’ve told my Olympic love story story many times before, but I don’t think I’ve recounted it here. Basically, when I was a little boy I wasn’t very interested in...