How I Lost 50 Pounds In Two Months

I’ve been meaning to write a column about my weight loss. Why? Well, a couple people asked me to, and because I wanted to. I’m going to start mixing in one or two lifestyle columns in per week. I have no idea what they’ll be about. It could be pop culture and it could be a recipe for a badass dinner or some shit, I don’t know. But I just want to mix it up a little bit here and there, adding to the scope of the site. Don’t worry, I’m not going to neglect my SJW-bashing mandate. That will continue. 

But let’s talk about the weight loss. On April 17th, I had some life rearrangements. Long story short, my girlfriend and I went our separate ways. This was an abrupt shock to my system, and I wrote about it here, albeit cryptically. I’ll talk about it more in my book, as our relationship was definitely a part of my GamerGate journey, in both good and bad ways. Long story short, I was on the rocks in late April.

(Anthony Burch reference)

When you’re with someone four years, you get used to them lol. I guess that’s the easiest way to explain it. So, I was depressed. It’s still not the greatest thing to think about even now. But one thing I decided to do, was make sure I used the breakup as a positive catalyst in my life. Thus I decided to get in shape. I joined a gym, hit the bike at my house, and radically changed my diet. You’ll never guess what happened.

I started losing weight.

The thing is, you can just change your diet and loss a shitload of weight, especially if you have a lot to lose. I was at least 300 pounds at the beginning of this. I say “at least” because my weight would fluctuate between 300 and 310 or so. I eventually stopped weighing myself and so I don’t have an original number. I just mark it at 300 because I want to be conservative on the weight loss count. Enough of that though, what all did I do, you ask?

First off, as Mike Cernovich said yesterday, if you stop drinking your calories, you will lose weight. Give up sodas and even dairy, if you can manage it. Bread is another thing I cut out, although I’m not as militant about it. Fried foods and processed meats should be limited if not cut out entirely. Another thing I do is, look at the percentage of calories from fat. So if something has over half its calories from fat, I rarely eat it. Yes, I check labels and count calories. That shit really works.

Cernovich:

Don’t drink any calories other than green juice and protein shakes (with minimal fruit). For 80% of people, that’s the key to weight loss. Cut out the colas, beer, and wine, and you’ll look better than 80% of Americans. Drop the bread, dairy, and processed foods and you’re in the top 10%.

The other thing I would advise you to do, is weigh yourself every day, no excuses. One thing this does is hold you accountable. It can be depressing to see that you haven’t lost weight on a day you thought you should have. But don’t let it get to you. By weighing daily, you always know where you are, and there’s no lying to yourself, or anyone else. Women lie, men lie…the numbers don’t lie.

(Yo Gotti reference. Yes, I’m an unashamed Memphian)

Of course you should mix in as much gym as you can stand. Right now, I’m just doing about 45 minutes of cardio 3-4 times a week, followed by some weightlifting and a 20 minute swim. 100 crunches a day at home is something that I like to do, followed by 20-30 leg lifts. This regimen seems to be working quite well, although I’ve fallen behind the last month due to summer engagements (and eating). But guess what? I’ve still lost 3 pounds and am down to 246. July has been slower, but I know why, and I haven’t lost sight of my goals. That’s the important part. Keep in mind, if your goal was to lose 100 pounds like mine was, that first 50 is gonna be a lot easier than the second 50. Don’t get discouraged.

Once I get down to 200 or so, and get leaner, I’ll look into muscle mass and definition. I’ve just been focused on getting the weight off first, then looking to that part second. One other thing: albacore tuna. That shit is a godsend, and is only 100 calories for a 5 ounce can. I like using hotsauce on it with crackers, or something like that.

The other thing is, if you only eat once a day, you can pretty much eat whatever you want, ignoring most of my restrictions. If you don’t feel you can give up soft drinks completely, try to at least not keep any in the house and only drink them when you’re out. You may find that helps you. Other than that, I can’t really think of anything else that I’ve been doing. If you have any questions or comments, though, leave them down below. I still have a ways to go, but I’m pretty pleased with how far I’ve come in this short amount of time. I can assure you that if my ass can do it, anyone can, health permitting.

I’ll now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

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Ethan Ralph

Founder, Owner, & Editor-in-Chief of TheRalphRetort.com. Political fiend, gamer, & anti-bullshit.

  • ezralyte

    Eating only once a day is bad for you, the way I understand it. You want to have multiple -small- meals throughout the day to up your metabolism. Weirdly enough I’ve always heard you can also eat on a blue plate to decrease appetite.

    Good luck though! I’m working on cutting out the sodas and it’s pretty brutal.

  • Silence Dogood

    I was in a relationship for 2 years, and then it abruptly ended. It was very dramatic and we’re still friends.. but it was.. weird. Still kind of is. And then a bunch of bad shit happened with my health, the situation at my job (a good one) deteriorated and finally I was fired (and I’ve filled charges of discrimination and fraud against them as a net result). I lost about 10 lbs in two weeks from basically not eating.

    • The first 10 or so I lost were from basically not eating at all, yes. I left that part out, but thank you for reminding me of those rough first couple weeks. lol

      • DirkBelig

        Yep, the good old Sudden Stress and Heartache Duet. I lost 10 lbs in a week when my g/f and I split up. Went out dancing 2-3 nights a week which was like a 2+ hour cardio session. (Didn’t drink because was broke. Would go to clubs early before they charged cover.) My metabolism was on FIRE and I could eat whatever I wanted and still drop weight.

        With my new thin physique and long hair, I was suddenly very popular with the ladies like I’d never been before or since. Drat. Eventually I settled down and, unfortunately, fell into a sedentary career and lifestyle and am now 100 lbs heavier. Bleah. Would like to get back down to an even 200.

      • Silence Dogood

        You looked really friendly in both the before and after shots. 😛

    • shinningprodigy

      Mine was a year and several months and I was looking forward to 2 years and beyond. I found happiness and felt like I had someone willing to stand by my side. I tend to be a little on the crazy side (but not to an extreme) which is why I seek companionship sometimes. Then we broke up and I went back to being an emotional wreck once more. Sad to say the weight I lost from the first few weeks was gained, in double, the next couple of weeks after. We’re still friends except now she is depressed because she wants someone she can’t have and I found myself a loner still working on creating his own path.

      Guess that’s part of my sad little story to add here. Never told anyone that story before. Not sure why but I felt like finally letting that one off my chest for once. Don’t know why to your comment but for some reason it hit home reading it.

      • Silence Dogood

        Having a relationship come crashing down feels like having your heart ripped out. The thing is I have some slight… personality quirks… and I was genuinely concerned that I was incapable of loving someone else. But I experienced the trauma of losing both my relationship and having to hold a kitten in my arms while it was dying. Granted I feel things “stronger” than most people (in an unhealthy way), but it was assurance that I am capable of experiencing those things. Pain is the common denominator among people, which is shared through empathy, something SJWs/RadFems and ideologues of other flavors willfully lack.

        But yeah, we definitely want the things we can’t have. We’re all a little self destructive in that way.

  • GuitarAnthony

    Congrats, brother. I did the same tho I’m just a big built guy there was some fat there when I was at 340 early last year & now down to 255 drinking water & 100 calorie organic iced teas (full disclosure – sneak in a Dr Pepper cherry maybe once a week :D) & not eating so much fried stuff. Keep it up, man!

  • Dr.W

    Long time reader, first time commenter, keep up the good work, both on your weight loss and your blog.

    • I appreciate you taking the time to comment, and thank you. I’m gonna try to keep the pace up with both.

      • Not buying it

        I am on a diet regiment myself Ralph, 215lb was the start, final goal is 180lb, am at 200lb now, natural high metabolism( years ago, not the same now due to aging ) + I have been athletic most of mylife helped, that 20 lb are extremely hard in my case, I am 49yrs old, oh let me give you a tip that helped my always with my Soft drinks addiction,” mineral Carbonated water “, flavoured lightly( no calories or sugar) with some sort of fruit, helps immensely with the diet.

  • An Honest Opinion

    Great job, Ralph. 50 lbs in two months is kinda risky healthwise but you pulled it off. I need to lose about 30 to get to the weight I want to be at. I think I’ll incorporate some of what you’ve done into my own diet.

  • shinningprodigy

    No jokes for this comment, just seriousness and respect.
    You’re doing good Ralph. Keep it up brotha and never lose sight of that end goal.

  • the red army

    i eat twice a day usually and drink a ton of beer and i have been 170-180 for most of my adult life… sucks some of you guys just pack that shit on eating the same shit i do… anyway keep up the good work ralph my man… maybe ill write up my steak recipe for when you decide to treat yourself…

  • KARIAS_SOUL_WEAPON77

    I thought all kind of tunas have mercury since these fish are bad for healt.Really thanks for give this advice.I’m going to drink moderate water and soda. so keep it up bro.

    EDIT:I don’t know how to say but Goshhh I imagine if all of us follow you and cernovic on that healty way,recipes to prepare foods,fit up with excersise everyday ufff! it worth to read all.

    • mbits

      Pretty much every fish has mercury. Tuna just has a ton of it. Should pretty much avoid it if you’re very young or pregnant and the average person needs to avoid eating much of it. Depending on your size, you can consume different amounts. Something like one or two 5oz cans per week for a grown medium sized man is probably okay, if I recall.

  • Wow

    Congrats you look 0% different fat fuck

  • Typical

    Ralph, I would make tuna and eggs 2 meals a day and work out when I was last in shape. It’s actually not a bad combo.

  • LongLiveGamerGate

    One day even the USA will learn that the metric system is the superior system.

    That aside good on you for turning a negative to a positive and finding focus, in your case it was exercise but even if it was something else, the most impressive thing here is that you didn’t stay at that static state of being depressed, you found the strength to start climbing out of the hole bad experiences placed you in. It’s hard to fight the weight, but it’s even harder to fight your own mind, and you are winning both battles. That’s something to be respected.
    Also 10/10 would buy you a salad, or whatever people on a diet eat.

    • Wisdomcube2000

      >One day even the USA will learn that the metric system is the superior system.

      “You will get my American system ruler when you pry it from my cold dead hand.”

  • A Real Libertarian

    I like using hotsauce on it with crackers, or something like that.

    Use whole grain crackers (note: Not whole wheat, whole grain), and some lower sodium hot sauce for best results.

  • tz1

    try low carb – lchf – dietdoctor.com

    • Tracker

      LCHF is not a magic bullet for everyone…. but holy crap was it a magic bullet with me, and a lot of other people. Talk about no effort, no hunger. I went to having to eat every 3-4 hours to forgetting to eat for 40 hours sometimes if I was busy. I even had bad acne and really bad bacne. I was thinking “I’m in my mid 30s, when is this teenage acne BS gonna stop”. 3-4 weeks into it my skin was smooth, clear, and glowing. Also I used to get really bad body odor if I didn’t shower every day, now I go about 3 days without one if I chose to.

      TL;DR – yeah, try lchf

  • kibu

    Speaking from experience Ralph, have your gall bladder checked regularly during the weight loss. Losing too much, too soon, can cause gall stones, and put you in the hospital to have it removed. Me, I lost 100 pounds over about six months, and ended up in the hospital for emergency surgery after my gall stones (caused by the sudden weight loss) ruptured my gall bladder.

    • mbits

      ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
      TRIGGER FUCKING WARNING
      ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

      • Len Firewood

        lol

    • D-Bone

      He’s right, I lost 275 pounds in 16 months and my gallbladder had so many issues, I had it removed.

      • kibu

        Yeah. Mine ruptured and put me in emergency surgery. Luckily for me, it ruptured while I was in the ER. I thought as the pain started to grow, I was having a heart attack.

  • Nicholas Tan

    What? Le American Bear is evolving!?

  • utera

    “First off, as Mike Cernovich said yesterday, if you stop drinking your calories, you will lose weight. Give up sodas and even dairy, if you can manage ”
    dead on. Drink just doesn’t satiate hunger, it fuels it, always better to eat the calories and be done with it.
    Drink water, or even coffee, soda is not just bad for you, its a waste of money, even as cheap as it is, its a cost on health more than anything else. If people cut that one thing out of their lives, they would be better off.
    Anyways good job ralph!

  • donnied

    Major props on the weight loss, 50 lbs in 2 months is some serious effort involved. And don’t worry the next 50 lbs will come off a lot easier than you might think

    As a bit of advice though try putting more of your time into weigh training than cardio. Cardio only burns during the time you are doing it whereas weight training (When lifting heavy) elevates your metabolism for up to 48 hours after the event.
    Also the eating once a day thing can work really well as it falls into the cycled fasting type of diet just make sure you keep up your protein intake as the weight loss you want is from fat. You want to keep your muscle (Moving around your bodyweight especially when you start off heavy actually gives you a really good basis of muscle to work on)

    If you haven’t already get myfitnesspal to track your foods and keep your protein up high. Do not eat too little calories per day the temptation that eating fewer to get more loss is very high but very counter productive. also don’t forget fat is actually good for you from the right sources.

    If you need advice and help try r/loseit and r/fitness; former is great for motivation and latter is exceptional for strength training plans and tips.(5×5 Stronglifts is awesome)

    Note I only write this as I’ve been losing weight and getting fitter this year, Only 26lbs so nowhere near your achievement. My last few lbs is proving a real grind to lose lol

  • Well done Ralph, you are inspiration!

  • MacNillus

    Good luck Ralph. Hope you will meet your goal.

  • mbits

    That is a really insane amount of weight to lose in such a short period of time.

    50lbs in two months means a deficite of 175,000 calories. That’s 2916 calories less per day. At about 300lbs, figure 3,000/day to maintain weight. So essentially, it would mean starving yourself (well, water would be okay) for 60 days in a row.

    Anyway, I’m an enormous fat guy. However, I’m also nearing forty, so who gives a fuck anymore? I spent a life time losing weight every week and I’ll never do it again. Fifteen of the first twenty years of my life was spent living in a sweat suit with a rubber suit on top of that and another sweat suit on top of that. And starving. And running at 5am. And training for six hours every night. And then starving yourself every thursday night and friday night before weigh in… and then running your ass off the morning of weigh in, in trash bags. And then spitting in a cup, pissing, shitting, and even trying to vomit to lose that last ounce or two before the weigh in…

    And then going out to breakfast immediately after and scarfing down as much breakfast as possible before your first match.

    And then doing it all again a few days later.

    Never doing that shit again. Ever. Fuck that.

  • Hyrules

    A recommendation I’d give Ralph is look into doing Rippetoe starting strength >now<. The reason being that your body, from your high weight, already has a higher than average amount of muscle. If you tone it now and work on it. You'll help offset the effects of cutting on your muscle mass as you lose weight. It'll also burn more calories and give you a better foundation for if you decide to train more seriously.

  • MeteorMess

    Congrats man I’m really happy for you, keep rolling!
    Don’t know if you like it but I try to use lettuce (with olive oil, basically my daily dose of oil, and lemon) at least once a day. Its good because it fill you up with basically only a couple of calories (human body can’t process carbohydrates from vegetables).
    Another thing: its really good to control weight once a day for morale boost but for progress purpose it’s the weekly measurement that matter. A friend of mine control his weight once every two-three weeks but I stick with the weekly measurement, I’m fine with that.
    Also try, once a week, to eat a little more (an ice cream or a pizza…but I dont know how much calories are american things, I’ve seen some pizzas I probably need three day to eat LOL) to give a shake to your metabolism and keep on loosing weight.

    Ok enough, I felt a bit guilty because I was not able to wrote anything usefull back in april because with my shit english it’s hard to express on serious things…btw can’t wait when you will join “us” gym people and start to workout seriously, but for now keep focusin on weight loosing pal!

  • Callan Elliott

    I need to check out Cernovich’s shit

  • Chris Adams

    If you’re a milk drinker, little tweaks like only drinking skim can make a huge difference.

  • nrrork

    Yeah, I was drinking two 2-liter bottles of pop a day. That’s about 2000 empty calories right there. Then for my last birthday I got one of those home carbonation machines, and now I drink plain sparkling water. I found out it wasn’t the sweetness that I was craving, it was the carbonation.

    So we’re coming up on about three months of that, and I’ve been shedding about ten pounds a month just from that. Processed stuff is next on the chopping block, and mostly gotten those out of the way.

    I know what I should and shouldn’t be eating, it’s just doing it, and making that shift at a pace that won’t burn me out, because I know myself too well. If I get pushed to do this too fast or make too many drastic shifts at once, I’ll freak out and just totally shut down. I know because I’ve seen me do it! Something I had to remind my mom of when she visited yesterday.

    If I lose five fewer pounds a month than I could be, so be it. I’ll trade some effectiveness for sustainability. The best diet plan in the world won’t do shit if you can’t stay on it long term.

    • Len Firewood

      Those are words of wisdom right there 🙂

    • A Real Libertarian

      I’ll trade some effectiveness for sustainability.

      It’s why GamerGate don’t have leaders, all the “focus” from a leader isn’t worth the opening up a massive weak point.

  • Fatherless

    Ralph, have you considered taking up smoking? Its an incredibly effecient appetite suppressant and it gives you something to relax with between cardio workouts.

    • Len Firewood

      Yebbut longer term tends to harden the arteries – not good. 😉

      • Fatherless

        Ah, as long as you balance out your steak fat, your chicken fat, and your pork fat, hardened arteries are stronger and less likely to burst. I say, at least 10 more years of life.

  • Len Firewood

    Good work – obesity is a very major issue in many western nations and is causing perhaps millions to go to an early grave and lead unnecessary miserable lives. I like your sensible approach as there are countless charlatans and indeed a whole industry based on “alternative” foods and diets most of which is bs. Another issue with obesity is (much) higher risks of type 2 diabetes. This is why a balanced diet and adequate exercise is so important. To anyone thinking of going on a regime to lose weight and get fit I would suggest they set realistic targets and do not engage in a regime that they cannot sustain. Make your goals achievable and once achieved if you still need to lose more weight or fitness levels are still below par then by all means set another goal albeit slightly more ambitious – the key I think is to not put yourself in a position where you are likely to fail or discourage yourself through unrealistic goal settings.

    I would offer just one small criticism and that is not to recommend that anyone eat only once a day if they can at all help it. Eating one large meal puts a lot of stress on the body and it is better that nutrients are processed more gradually over the course of day than all at once. Best to have three meals a day (including breakfast) but watch portion control – if you get portions and balance of foods roughly right you will lose significant weight from that alone although exercise should not be neglected either because of it’s other vital benefits (circulation, healthy heart etc).

    You seem to have done really well Ralph and I hope you continue to make steady progress with losing the next 50lbs. 🙂

  • Pinkerbelle Merrick

    “Cut out the colas, beer, and wine”

    Whew! so I can keep drinking gin, bourbon and scotch…

  • D-Bone

    Congrats on your lifestyle change and improved quality of life man.

  • Point Less

    Just found the Food Babe today, after reading a Cracked article about wood pulp in our food, just before reading your article, learned about alkalinity and acidity, holy crap, I need to change my diet, most of our normal diets are crap and you can maintain a healthy weight just with your diet. http://foodbabe.com/ She could probably replace your girlfriend temporarily.

    • A Real Libertarian
      • Point Less

        Meh, everybody makes mistakes, obviously what she says is healthy is more reliable than what she sells.

        • A Real Libertarian

          That isn’t a mistake, that is flat-out lying for profit.

          I’d recommend Nutrition Action Health Letter from CSPINET.

          • Point Less

            Do you really think she looks through all of the ingredients on everything she sells on the site? Do you think Ralph goes through all of the ads and links on his site to make sure they’re in line with what he’s written? He’s contradicted himself sometimes, but I still trust him basically with what he says. Websites and companies aren’t structured so the main face knows everything about it. It went under the radar or whatever and she should remove them if she notices they contradict what she says (and you should point it out if you see it), so I can only say she’s lying if I notice she’s doing it intentionally.

            The ultimate point is whether what she says is legit, not necessarily what she sells.

            Thanks for the link though.

          • A Real Libertarian

            Ralph isn’t trying to sell something.

          • Point Less

            He sells ad space. If he didn’t care to make money off the site, he wouldn’t have ads.

          • A Real Libertarian

            There’s a big difference between selling ad space to advertisers and selling goods to readers.

          • Point Less

            Yah well, as a real libertarian I’m sure you understand the importance of being a discerning reader like yourself and not buying products that she sells that contradict what she recommends.

  • If you’re struggling with sodas or any sugary drinks, just go for the diet version. Yes, it’s not the same, it will still kill you eventually, but at least you will have a better waist line.

    I personally, don’t agree with weighing yourself in on a daily basis, because your weight usually fluctuates between 1 to 3 pounds. Every Monday works for me.

    Crunches – a useless exercise, they basically burn next to nothing in terms of calories, so you need a huge volume to compensate. Better find another exercise, like planking, or even push ups will do a lot more for your weight loss.

    Eating one meal per day… You won’t last long. You’ll end up binging, I always did, when I tried that. Best to create a meal plan for a day/week and stick to it, just make sure you’re always in a caloric deficit, it works a lot better.

    Sad about your breakup, what’s even sadder is that you had to go through a breakup to realize you needed to lose weight. I am not being mean, or anything, I am just saying. All I needed to start is the inability to see my dick in the shower, because of all the belly fat. 🙂

  • sylado

    because I’m fat I’m afraid or embarrassed to join a gym