THAT REALLY HAPPENED: Kurt Eichenwald Outs Himself as a Fan of Hardcore Hentai (UPDATE)

THAT REALLY HAPPENED: Kurt Eichenwald Outs Himself as a Fan of Hardcore Hentai (UPDATE)

Forget James Comey’s upcoming testimony. Forget the UK general election. Something much more newsworthy has happened. I woke up this morning to the news that Kurt Eichenwald has outed himself as a fan of hardcore hentai. At first, I thought this was a doctored photograph, but no, it’s real. The man tweeted it himself.

http://archive.is/c8sI7

The name of the title is B-Chiku, although you will have to Google that one on your own, since Adsense regulations forbid me from linking to that sort of content. Needless to say, Twitter has been having a lot of fun with this stunning self-own. Again, to repeat: KURT TWEETED THIS OUT HIMSELF!

As (Not) Pax Dickinson alluded to, I’m sure Kurt’s hentai perusal was for research purposes only. It’s not like he sits there slavishly, all day and all night, pleasuring himself to Japanese cartoon porn in between bouts of Twitter rants against Tucker Carlson. No, that couldn’t be the case.

Let this be a lesson to always check your screenshots before you tweet them out. Whenever Kurt makes up some incredible lie about his now-exposed proclivity, I will update this post. Or will he just ignore it altogether? We shall see, but either way, I don’t think the internet is going to let him forget this hilarious mistake.

 

UPDATE: He’s actually trying to make-up an excuse. This is pretty sad…but also hilarious. After giving some thoughts on Comey, I asked him if he didn’t have something else to address. This led him to start down the path of further destruction.

Indeed. Please continue, Kurt.

Now he’s trying to have his wife cover for him IN PUBLIC! Jesus, this man has no shame. Just take the hit, man. Sometimes that’s the best option. Make a joke about it and move on. This is insanely counterproductive and ensures that it will be tied to you forever.

Ethan Ralph

Founder, Owner, & Editor-in-Chief of TheRalphRetort.com. Political fiend, gamer, & anti-bullshit.

  • John

    This made my day.

  • GuitarAnthony
  • jimmyt
  • Toastrider
  • MKFenris

    B-Chiku isn’t hardcore hentai, shit by Distance is pleb shit. I’m honestly shocked he isn’t some NTR loving cuck.

    • Hey, don’t dis vanilla. But yeah, Distance is pretty tame. I recall only seeing that artist draw one gangbang, and it was a dream sequence.

      • MKFenris

        Distance isn’t even exactly one I consider a great artist, Gunma Kisaragi, Shiwasu no Okina, Yuzuki N Dash (BTW, look up what she looks like! Yeah i said she), and a few others are artists I hold in high regard. Distance and Tachibana Omina are kinda one trick ponies. I am a Scholar of Anime Tiddies after all.

        • Aside from Shiwasu no Okina, I am familiar with all of those, including Yuzuki N’ and her status as a woman (but as I’m not usually one to check out the people behind the scenes, this is the first time I bothered to look up what she looks like…. damn, I had no idea she’s only 33, and I seem to recall her being around for at least 10 years). I wouldn’t consider Distance and Omina bad, with at least some of their work being quite fappable, but admittedly, I can’t say I have particularly high standards (just give me a huge-titty DP and I’ll be happy). You know, it’s actually been a while since I looked up some original works (rule 34 doujinshi are more my domain, though most of the above-mentioned have done a bit of that too), but I’ve been pretty fond of works by Bosshi (namely his ojou-sama stories), Takenoko Seijin (NTR with happy endings!), Yasui Riosuke, and Unagimaru.

          • MKFenris

            I say that Omina has stagnated because ever since some of their earlier work it’s been a bit too much shota for my taste.

    • Anstice

      Considering that it’s vanilla, it would be hard as hell for him to actually find it if he did a search for “tentacle porn”. I haven’t seen that stuff personally, so if there’s 200+ images of tentacle porn in it, well, mark me wrong.

      • MKFenris

        I don’t even think Japan does that crap anymore. Tentacles are so 20 years ago. Anymore their problem is NTR, NTR is the thing that cringe was born from.

        • I agree, but I don’t think tentacles have gone entirely out of fashion (especially with MonMusu being a thing, though I suppose that’s tentacles-on-guy rather than the usual on-girl). At any rate, it REALLY wouldn’t have been hard to look up the tag.

    • G-d help me but I looked it up. Since it’s porn it only takes 20 pages or so of plot before you get to the porny bits…

      It’s waifu porn, sad and pathetic fantasy for otakus. No tentacles, no BDSM, not even furries; just some loser getting surprise-married to a hot Japanese 20/f. If that’s what Eichenwald’s into, then he needs a hug and marriage-counselling. And maybe a shrink.

      • MKFenris

        Distance is a very tame mangaka.

  • Gunnar

    This is truly the best day ever.

  • SOLTHREE

    Comedy gold.

  • Typical

    Now the move should be to upload a ton of tentacle porn with hidden flashing sequences spliced in and set the seizure countdown.

  • Maintenance Renegade

    On the one hand I’m pissed they MSM doesn’t shun this guy and make him the pariah he deserves to be, but on the other hand I’m glad they keep associating with him and thus sharing in his constant self-humiliations.

  • Mr0303

    The gaffe was lame enough, but the excuse was just pathetic. It would’ve been more dignified if he owned up to it.

  • Guest

    Tucker Carlson just spent like 10 minutes covering this debacle on his show right now.

    https://cdn.meme.am/cache/instances/folder351/500x/59798351/the-real-khan-revenge-is-a-dish-that-is-best-served-cold.jpg

  • Seriously, guy needs to just admit to liking hentai. There’s no shame in it, or at least there better not be. There is, however, shame in trying to act like you’re ashamed.

  • Mr0303

    Tucker Carlson reporting on this was just perfect:

  • Inquiring

    I wonder how it was he was unable to find tentacle porn. Was it typing the two words together in a search engine that he confused with, “anime titties”?