Zoe Heads to Capitol Hill For a Fake Congressional Hearing (Follow the $ Edit)

Zoe Heads to Capitol Hill For a Fake Congressional Hearing (Follow the $ Edit)

Not all of you are political junkies (well, ex-junkie) like me. But there are different kinds of words the politicos use to denote importance. A “hearing” is an official meeting of one of the various committees or subcommittees. When some pol speaks of a “briefing,” with many of the same trappings as a hearing, they are intentionally trying to fool you into thinking their endeavor is more important than it is. Well, I’m here to let you know that today’s “Zoe Goes to Washington” news is nothing more than an elaborate scam. 

Some of the vidya journalists probably have no idea what the difference is between a hearing a and a briefing, so they can be excused for this one mistake (I’m being charitable today). There are intelligence briefings that members of Congress skip just because they’re lazy or want to get out of town. You really think they’re going to sit up there and listen to a known philanderer with no discernible talent ramble on for an hour about her ex-boyfriend? No. They aren’t.  And as you can see by the pictures, the whole thing was a fucking farce:

https://twitter.com/thewtfmagazine/status/588448261607854080

I don’t even know that those are politicians and not gender activists. I follow politics closely (or used to), and none of these faces seem familiar. Of course there are 435 members of the House of Representatives, so maaaaaybe there’s one in there. But to me, it looks just like Rep. Katherine Clark and some of her rad fem cronies. And if you look at the requirements to have a briefing, you will see that Zoe and Cuckmaster Jr. paid out of their own pockets:

https://twitter.com/atlasnodded/status/588406392303833088

Not only that, look at how Alex Bitchshitz complained about Polygon not completely throwing GamerGate under the bus (like they usually do):

The whole thing is completely laughable. I can’t find a good stream of her briefing, but the seven minutes I saw of it was shit. I might fire up the video capture and see if I can grab a copy. Rest assured, it was vomit-inducing. I’ll be back later with at least three stories. I took yesterday off a little bit, due to unforeseen circumstances. I’ll have more on that later as well. As always, I love you readers, and thanks for helping keep me afloat doing what I love to do.

 

UPDATE: 

https://twitter.com/atlasnodded/status/588479863423631362

https://twitter.com/atlasnodded/status/588482992651300864

https://twitter.com/atlasnodded/status/588488206645129217

Ethan Ralph

Founder, Owner, & Editor-in-Chief of TheRalphRetort.com. Political fiend, gamer, & anti-bullshit.

  • Angus66

    I thought Zoe was “basically homeless”??? She doesn’t look like any homeless person I’ve ever seen…..

    • KLLRFRST

      Well, posh hotels in Europe on her boyfriend’s daddy’s dollar aren’t technically “homes”, so she was “homeless” only in the loosest sense of the word.

      • Silence Dogood

        Zoe and loosest being in the same sentence is a tautology. 😉

        • Well shit, you win the internet.

        • Lord Raa

          You’re not supposed to own people like that anymore.

          • Silence Dogood

            Hahahaha 😛

    • Cuca Culpa

      She seems to spend an awful lot of time in the Atlanta area.

    • Gone

      Well, homeless except for the $40k/yr she gets from her Patreon for “making video games”…. and who knows, maybe Wu is sharing some of her nearly $200k/yr that she’s getting through patreon?

      • hurin

        Wu’s Patreon is down to 3.3k a month. Expect more lies about being harassed soon.

        • Can’t Twiter Gud

          Someone screen cap this

    • Charmieos

      Well that dress looks like it was bought at the salvation army…. and had been there for 70 years

    • Especially when she can afford a glorified press conference.

      • Who paid should be on the public record?

  • Dave The Sandman

    So she and Liftsshit shell out $3K, and they still cant get anyone to attend theur pathetic junket? What a sad, shabby fucking clownshow sold as a spectacular. PT Barnum would be proud.
    So then its no surprise that the meth harridan from the True North, Crawley, shows up in a desperate attempt to seem relevant and milk some more pitybux.
    If it werent for the fact that all these fucksters are Trustafarians living the life of riley off the back of Daddy Warbucks, the only public appearances they would be making would be behind the counter of a 7/11 on the graveyard shift.
    They are cunts and failures, and no amount of pitybux and hand outs from parents will ever change that.

    • KLLRFRST

      I honestly couldn’t give a fuck if Joss and GRR Martin hates us or not, since I haven’t been a fan of Whedon’s stuff since Angel ended (Avengers was great, but most of the work was set up by the writers and directors of the previous “Phase 1” films) and I’ve never read or watched Game of Thrones.

      Crawley needs to spend less time on Twitter trying to remain relevant and use that time to find a new job.

      • Viredae

        The only thing her ilk is good for is serving coffee, serving fries, and hack writing for these publications.

        Crawley bazooka’d the third one option thoroughly, I understand why she doesn’t fancy pursuing her other options so much.

    • Charmieos

      Well she did look like a clown, bright pastels, way too red lipstick

  • Guest

    Well, posh hotels in Europe on her boyfriend’s daddy’s dollar aren’t technically “homes”, so she was “homeless” in the loosest sense of the word.

  • Jaker_K17

    To me it seems like nothing more than a show to their Patreon supporters to keep supporting them. “Look guys! We’re doing something! We’re taking the fight to GamerGate! We talked to Congress about it!” Gotta keep the victim funbux coming in some how, right? The harassment angle seems to have gotten old and dried up.

    • KLLRFRST

      I suggest we start a collection to get the cash for our own “congressional hearing”, then present a PowerPoint presentation showing all the screencaps of her FB messages in the ZoePost that show her admitting to the abuse she put Eron through, as well as the proof that she sabotaged the TFYC, faked her harassment from Wizardchan, used to contribute to HellDump, won an award that was rigged by her lover and PR agent, and took $800 and slept with from someone who worked on her game and gave her free press without disclosure.

      That’d make a real interesting day on Capitol Hill.

    • Angus66

      “The harassment angle seems to have gotten old and dried up.”

      Unlikely, but we can dream right?

      • Jaker_K17

        Ehh…Maybe I’m hoping a bit too much. But it does seem like an attempt to revitalize their Patreon supporters reason to support them.

        • Callan Elliott

          It’s actually to allow them to harass with impunity

    • Gone

      Yeah, but Zoe’s patreon is for helping her pay rent and such so she can afford to make games full time. How is going to congress to whine about how mean boys on the internet even remotely involved?

    • TheSuperiorTriggRNC

      “The harassment angle seems to have gotten old and dried up”

      Much like these professional victims vaginas

  • Philip Weigel

    This is very likely to amount to nothing. You can’t even get Congress to agree on important matters, like when to take off for golf, they don’t care about some sleazeball, lying nitwit who takes European vacations and whines about people disagreeing with her.

    Seriously, SJWs, go piss off, you aren’t fooling anyone but the most moronic losers who believe you when you say that you’ve been “triggered” by the internet or somesuch.

    • KLLRFRST

      This is just a pointless dog and pony show, and a waste of the money her Patrons throw at her monthy. Clark gets to look like she gives a shit about feminism and “cyber-bullying”, and Zoe gets to extend her 15 minutes so the Hipster Welfare keeps rolling in.

    • Don’t forget… Hillary is running with “equality” on her ticket, which will attract all those fervent revisionists to her. It’s important(ish) to keep that in mind when people have these briefings because they collectively build up to a larger body of discourse that is *then* quite powerful leverage.

  • Charmingman93

    I did a video about this, and I wish I had used some of the stuff you had here. I hadn’t known who Clark was when I had done it. Jesus, she’s a hack if there ever was one. Didn’t even know she attended, god damn it! But its here if anyone wants to see it, hate to shill on the based comment’s section Ralph!

    Its just my opinion, probably a lot more fair than yours Ralph, but if I had read this and other sources I may have come out a lot more cynical, there’s something to learn from. Let the masters give you the info, and then riiiide!

  • Why should anyone care if GRRM, Josh Whedon or any celeb likes them? It’s not like I’ll ever become friends with them and I think they’re allowed their opinions.

    Doesn’t stop me reading books or watching movies.

    I’d rather be friendless and free of cult think than be in a cult so I can feel a spurious link to celebrity culture

  • Callan Elliott

    Can’t possibly think why she started dating Lifschitz.

    • BasedLink

      ‘Cha-Ching!’ $$$

      • Callan Elliott

        That makes sense, I was kind of being sarcastic

      • AimToMisbehave

        Even better, for when you want to get the government involved and your boyfriend’s daddy just happens to own a member of Congress.

        • BasedLink

          A Congress that doesn’t give enough of a fuck about Internet drama to attend a briefing on said drama.

          • AimToMisbehave

            That’s the part they don’t seem to get. I’m sure it was a “This little shit’s dad is a major campaign donor, and we better keep him happy” kind of situation.

    • Callan Elliott

      How can two parasites live off each other forever?

      • hurin

        Eventually his dad will tell him to marry a Jewish girl or be disowned, then he’ll trow Zoe to the curb.

        • BasedLink

          You could’ve also gone with “Fuck toy” and “Sperm vendor”. Because…y’know.

          • Charmieos

            You would think he would date a girl who isn’t fat and ugly. Hey Alex, if you are reading I have an actual education and do some defense tech designs in my spare time :D.. you know what, just tell your dad, maybe he needs a mistress

  • calbeck357

    Amusing thought: What if Polygon is dialing back the rhetoric because of concerns about possible libel claims (ala Block Bot and Entertainment Weekly)?

  • Angus66

    Nailed it!!!

  • Les Ismor

    That’s what it’s all about, “they don’t like you!”
    Jesus fucking Christ, it really is like arguing with kindergarteners. I quit giving a fuck whether or not people liked me like 20 years ago.

    • Toastrider

      I prefer being likable, but if someone wants to be a dick, oh well.

      Of course, if I have to deal with them regularly, I might have to go Machiavelli and make sure they FEAR me.

      • Les Ismor

        Oh yeah, everyone wants to be liked, me included; I just think it’s ridiculous to pander or sell out to BE liked.

        I’ve always thought it was pretty simple. you give what you get.

  • TetraD20

    My opinion.

  • Cuca Culpa

    Funny, back in Canada, we held a similar “briefing” (on a completely different subject) in Parliament with three MPs and some lawyers, and it didn’t cost me a cent. Not even $10. Made the news, though, with probably got about $5K in equivalent advertising dollars.

    I understand this type of photo-op costs around $3K. The reason it’s called “earned media” is that you don’t pay for it when the press writes about it. These are like some kind of convoluted VPRs by a predatory comms hack.

    • Elilla Shadowheart

      I looked around the usual political blogs, sites and so on for the US and I can’t find a single one that actually covered this. Which should tell people a lot. One of my friends is heavily involved in CRTC related crap especially relating to UBB regulations in Canada and as you said, it costs nothing. And actually does get something done.

  • DukeMagus

    You probably already got that Ralph, but here’s a video that might be worth checking out

  • Terry “Death to Equality” Xu

    the very concept of “online threats” is hilarious

  • Gone

    Why would I give a shit what Joss Whedon, GDC, or Patrick Stewart thing? Smart people and people we care about buy into stupid bullshit and therefore form stupid opinions on shit all the time. So what? How many of us had loved ones who once upon a time though games caused violence, because of Thompson? How many once thought D&D made you a satinist, because 1980s? So what? I’m supposed to feel bad about my opinions, because of some ill-informed geek, a shitty dev organization, and a dramatic actor?

    • Toastrider

      “How many once thought D&D made you a satinist, because 1980s?”

      Actually, I prefer high-count cotton, satin is too slippery. 🙂

      In all seriousness, though, it’s a variation on the ‘appeal to authority’ fallacy (and one that’s used so often it should have its own entry in debate fallacies; call it ‘appeal to celebrity’). And you make a good point. Back in the 80’s, Patricia Pulling, who was pushing the whole ‘RPGs are an entry point for SATANISM’ somehow was getting her line out to police precincts across the States. Now, whether they took it seriously or stuck it up on their bulletin board as the ‘whackjob of the week’, I have no idea (my money is on the latter). But smart people can be fooled just like dumb people, if you play the cards right.

  • Gone

    What the fuck exactly is it she expects the government to do? You and I both know. She expects them to strip the internet of anonymity and privacy, because “boo hoo, my feewings”.

    • Remember when some said gamergate wasn’t about gamers? That’s why she and the others do this..to appeal to outsiders, not gamers. Anything they can do to increase their apparent credibility goes towards then being able to leverage support from the likes of Intel. [s] Business Management at it finest [/s].

  • Gone

    Just to clarify, those people only “dislike you” in as much as they are ill-informed and fed a bunch of bullshit by a particular group of those close to them. If all someone ever told your mother was about how sexist games are and how women are kept down under the foot of “the man” in games, she’d buy into it because… well.. that’s how the story is fed to her.

    I merely feel bad for GRRM and Patrick Stewart, because they’re being manipulated by people feeding them a bullshit interpretation of things that would lead anyone (hearing only that story) to buy into it. They’re not bad people. They just have misinformed opinions… and that hardly impacts me one fucking bit.

    Of course, that isn’t how these people operate. In their world, it is all about being accepted. These sycophants would change their opinion the moment someone they idolize told them they were pieces of shit… because how they’re perceived is all they care about.

  • Gone

    I just finished listening to this week’s Idle Thumbs podcast (the show hosted by people from TellTale, Campo Santo Games, and Double Fine, and Danielle Riendo from Polygon and live-in-girlfriend of Patricia Hernandez of Kotaku and personal best friend of sometimes-show-guest Anita Sarkeesian) where they said (near the end of the show) “fuck gamer gate” and then proceeded to make jokes about having Danielle featured in some photos they could take of her standing in front of a Gone Home standee saying how it is her game of the year (because of that whole controversy where she and Polygon named it their game of the year, then it was uncovered there were direct ties between them and the creators of the game).

    The fact is, nobody gives a shit. They can act and speak with impunity, because they are the victims. We are the shitlords of the internet and it is only a matter of time before we must use our real names online and/or be registered and licensed to use internet access.

    • Toastrider

      I should start a counter push to have Dear Esther be game of the year, just to see if I can mess with them 😀

  • I love it how they want to make sure Congres pays attention to online threats targeting women. They apparently aren’t interesting in dealing with ALL types of online threats that also men encounter, they are just interested in solving the ones that involve women. Well fuck you, you sexist fucks…

    • Marie

      you forgot that it’s impossible to be sexist against men :^)
      I mean, who cares if sexism etymologically means “making a difference based on sex”?
      definitely only women can be discriminated against!

  • Charmieos

    Sir Patrick Stewart doesn’t like us? Well I’m done then. Oh wait, does he play games? is he aware of us outside of the basic and disengenuous media coverage? No? The why should I care? I like him, he seems a nice guy but as far as I can tell he has never spoken to any of us so his opinion is just as valid as any other uniformed person, who cares.

    Joss Weedon is getting slamed with a lawsuit over plagiarism, I will wait on the ruling but if it is proven then I have no respect nor care for anything he says, a liar and a thief does not deserve respect.

    By the way on Joss, his shows had shit writing and direction, the reason they were good was the individual skill of the various actors, I have no idea why he gets all the credit.

    Onto the rest of the article, Zoe Quinn gave a congressional briefing to what appears to be 6 people while dressed in her great grandmothers ugliest dress about a topic no member of congress will understand, much less care about while looking like the lovechild of pikachu, Jinx, and jigglypuff. What exactly will this accomplish?

  • REAPER

    Zoe’s “briefing”is vomit inducing you say? Good. I need something to hack up this god awful fish I had for lunch today. Who needs ipecac when I can read the bullshit Zoe posts for free. And don’t eat this type of fish either.

    • Toastrider

      Thanks, I needed an image to upload to the SCP wiki. Jesus Christ man.

      • REAPER

        LOL.

  • iain davis

    lets send milo to washinton. we can afford a few grand.

  • Taco Salad

    Curiouser and curiouser,

  • Dehydration

    People should give Brian Crecente more credit, seriously. From the very start of GamerGate he’s always been willing to at least listen to us.