Well, we’ve been patiently waiting for one the the Rapp duo to come out and make some comments on their recent public decimation, but so far we’ve been limited to stray tweets and complaints from Alison about the doxing of her family. As far as that goes, I don’t know what she wants. Am I supposed to feel sad for her? It’s just what happens on the internet. I can’t think of any public figure who hasn’t been doxed. It’s not optimal, perhaps, but oh well. If you expect me to cry for you, though, think again.

Speaking of crying, Jake Rapp, the cucked husband who was also revealed to be a sex worker himself the day after Alison was exposed, has now put out a nearly 2000 word post chocked full of goodies like this…


I resigned from my position as barista in Cafe Mario at Nintendo on Monday.

It was a pretty sweet gig. Sodexo paid me quite well for being a plain ol’ coffee slinger, I got to know a lot of really awesome people, and I consider it a really formative chapter of my life. I’m not crazy broken up about it, as I was intending to leave the position shortly anyway to pursue a different path in life. I definitely wish it would’ve been on different terms than the shit-show that has been the past two weeks or so.

I decided to dip out early, which I figured would be the best option given the current atmosphere. It has been the case before that Nintendo brass doesn’t like a certain contractor for some reason or another and they just kinda disappear. One day the district manager shows up, you turn in your badge, and you don’t get to ask many questions. Given Nintendo’s risk-averse track record for handling potential PR problems, I figured I’d likely be doing them a favor. I’d much rather leave on my own terms than have to hear the bogus, “We’re not firing you, but the client has asked you to leave so we’re gonna try to find another account for you to work at.” Obviously this is pure speculation on my part so no need to go kicking down Nintendo’s door, but I’d put good money on that having happened had I not been proactive about it. My managers and Sodexo were super considerate about my decision, as opposed to Alison’s one day remaining of health insurance coverage and a whopping nothing else for severance when she was canned (“escorted out” would’ve been such a good yet touchy pun here). What’s done is done, and I wish Nintendo all the best in its future endeavors.

That was probably a wise decision, Jake. I’m pretty sure you were about to get booted out of there within the week. Also, I don’t know how you could still stand to show your face, but perhaps some of your clientele included your co-workers. In fact, I’m fully expecting that shoe to drop with either you or Alison before all is said and done.

More from “Mr.” Rapp:

This is why tweet after tweet, post after post, I kinda just start giggling (very masculine giggles of course). Partially because everything is so comically far from the truth, but mostly because… wait for it… none of it will accomplish what the campaign at large likely seeks to achieve (or in the very least wants to spectate) – a breaking of self.

Sure it made me feel I need to quit my job. Sure it will probably affect my future employment prospects. Sure it’s a really weird couple conversations to have with people who now know a bit more about me. But will I ever be crushed to the point of second-guessing my identity? Absolutely not.

Sure, I lost my job, got exposed as a degenerate, had my weird piercings broadcast worldwide, my wife was embarrassed and also got terminated from her job…but other than that, no big deal! I do have to admire his spirit, although I think he may be putting on a front for public consumption.

Oh, and about that piercing…

I think someone getting an 8g piece of metal stabbed through their urethra is an incredibly brave and “masculine/ballsy” thing to do (and I bet the sex feels great, but who am I to know).

I don’t know about brave, Jake. I would substitute the word insane, myself. But, you do you, I suppose. Personally, I won’t be getting a Prince Albert anytime soon, I can safely assure you guys of that.

The final thought from Rapp?

In the words of our beloved lord and savior, Kanye West, “My life is dope, and I do dope shit.”

He then goes on to admit that he doesn’t even listen to Kanye, which makes the quote even more bizarre. Plus, nothing about his life or career(s) would be described as dope, but I’ll leave it there. Give me your thoughts on this clown down below, and I’ll be back shortly with the latest on that “Social Autopsy” Kickstarter.