(UPDATE: More evidence has been provided, almost certainly came from Wu)

Tribute to John

Galaxy greetings, Spacekats! This is Brianna. I’m a Journalism major at the University of Mississippi and tonight marks my sixth month since starting HRT. A lot has happened in sixth months – I’ve finished laser, I live full time as a woman and I almost always pass quite easily. I’m considered legally female by United States jurisprudence.

This is not a work of fiction. I thought that the denizens of Fictionmania might enjoy reading a true story of what it is like for a man to become a woman. I have come to understand, the stories that I admired here get so much of the process wrong.

It was important to me to celebrate by writing you my story. I wanted to celebrate the person that got me to this point – John. He wasn’t a bad person – well meaning but dealing with a lot of anger. It wasn’t really his fault. Living as a boy when you know that you were supposed to be a girl is just the pits, you know?

I have known for every second of my life that I was supposed to be a girl. I remember being separated into play groups as a child, and attempting to socialize with the boys that seemed like aliens. Occasionally, when allowed to play with girls, I would enjoy greatly their games of make-believe. These were to be my happiest memories of childhood.

I’ve always watched women with an apt fascination of the world to which I was being denied. It seemed so enchanting, all of it. But when I attempted to emulate the behavior that seemed so normal, I was socially ostracized. I rarely had close friends as a child, I was just different and strange-an exogenous factor that didn’t compute with the system.

I discovered Fictionmania in 1998 with the advent of the Internet. In
hindsight, I can say that I wasted many years that I could have been
living as a girl by visiting that site. It all seemed to be so impossible
for so long – but here is the story of how I beat my fear and got the
courage to transition.

On July 6 of last year I broke up with Heather, ending the worst
relationship of my life. I was 25 at the time. Heather was in interesting specimen to be sure. A grouchy and emotionless diabetic finishing up her PhD in Exercise Science, Heather was someone that eschewed femininity almost completely. If I were to be truthful, I would admit that I loved her because I deemed her fucked up enough to love me back.

It was an interesting relationship because in many ways I was the girl. I enjoyed cooking her dinners as she finished her dissertation. It was a very bad relationship in that I rarely felt respected – Heather rarely cared to put any mind into our conversations, and she generally ignored me unless it was convenient for her.

At the end of the relationship something was very clear to me – I had
stayed with Heather because I was a closeted transsexual. I felt like I
was too fucked up for anyone to ever love – I knew that I needed to deal with my feelings. Facing my fears, I made an appointment with my school’s counseling center.

Therapy was slow going at first, and looking back at it I am amazed at how much fear I had. After a year of therapy, I had become to accept myself as a transsexual much more easily. I was left with a great decision, to transition or not to transition? That was the question. I had so many fears then – I feared that my friends would treat me as freakish. I was scared of employment discrimination, I even feared that the HRT would make me act erratically.

Transitioning transsexuals must follow a set of medical and legal
protocols known as the Benjamin Standards of Care. Named after Dr. Harry Benjamin, they are a source of consternation and comfort for transsexuals. To be brief, they require a transsexual to have at least three months of psychotherapy before starting hormone replacement therapy – known colloquially as HRT.

Typically, HRT is done with an endocrinologist. Endocrinology is among the newest sciences. After sex hormones were discovered in the twenties, greater understanding came about that, that virtually all the differences in men and women are as a result of the differences in their endocrine systems.

My endocrinologist was reluctant to treat me at first, but like many
transsexuals, I had spent a lifetime voraciously reading the medical
literature. My research of scientific endocrinology journals to determinemy best course of treatment eventually swayed him.

On February 14 of 2006 I found myself in possession of my first round of hormone treatment. I was beyond terrified at the journey I was about to start. My mind couldn’t grasp the complexity of the journey I was about to start. By coincidence, I made contact with a long lost friend named Lucinder starting HRT on the same day. We deemed to make it a holiday to be known as “Fuck you” Day.

If I had known as a child how drastically estrogen and anti-androgens would affect my mind and personality, I would have done it years ago. Testosterone is a cruel master – and to keep it in check a wonder drug called spirolacetone is used. Although it’s originally meant to lower blood pressure, it wipes out testosterone in a wonderful fashion.

Estradil Estradiol, a member of the 17b estrace class is another wonder drug. When I take these pink pills four times daily I thank them deeply for the access to new feelings and emotion they allow. Estradiol makes it possible to feel deeply, to experience emotion as a woman does. It makes it possible to cry, to sympathize and even to burn with righteous anger.

Progesterone is an interesting drug to take. The research is unclear, but many believe that it leads to increased breast development and sexual feelings. Because I’ve used them in conjunction, I can’t claim to know how much breast development I would have without it – but I am quite pleased with my pair of A cup breasts at six months.

The thing that I cannot communicate strongly enough to potential
transsexuals considering this journey is how much more happy and normal I feel with HRT. I would never, ever go back. I used to wake up feeling normal until the realization would hit me that I wasn’t a girl, which would lead to thoughts of depression. Now I wake up feeling peachy and in tune with myself. Sometimes, I remember that I am a transsexual.

I pass extremely easily for a TS – I feel quite blessed. Although I am
quite tall, I’ve always been extremely skinny. I discovered running after I beat Ambien, and I run 45 miles a week. So the tallness just works with my look as a hardcore athlete. I feel blessed in my facial features as well – I have high cheekbones and no chin. And because I’m only 26 I have not lost any hair. I will never be considered beautiful, but at least I can easily live life in the role of the gender I have always known myself to be.

Something that has really shocked me about transition is that nothing happens. What about all those fears that I obsessed about for my entire life? None of them came to fruition. My friends were almost universally supportive-and many admired my decision.

“You’re really brave to go through that,” is a common comment I get. One of my favorite comments was from my friend Rima. “To be honest,” she said, “it’s not that surprising. You’ve always been really girly anyway.”

Female friendships are a truly wonderful thing – they are the most
rewarding aspect of transition. It turns out, girls really admire a boy
with enough common sense to chop off their penis. I gave a lecture to a speech therapy class recently, and the all female class looked on me with wildly fascinated eyes – they were eager to ask questions about what it was like for a boy to become a girl.

I am sure you are wondering the same thing, and it’s an extremely
complicated question. Generally speaking, girls are nicer and much more cooperative. I find myself obsessed with the importance of always being nice to people, even people I disrespect. Part of female communication is coming to consensus rather than being dominant. This becomes second nature with estrogen.

Also, estrogen makes you live in your own world. I sometimes find myself oblivious to my immediate surroundings concentrating on something as insignificant as a hair on a desk. Estrogen, also makes me more reticent to say what I am thinking because I understand more deeply how important it is to get along.

If I can say a word or two about what estrogen does to your sexuality – it is a mindfuck. I never considered gay relationships even remotely before HRT because I found women so overwhelmingly fascinating. But after HRT, after beginning to feel like a woman all the time, I found myself strongly attracted to boys.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, I knew from the science that my odds were one in three of this happening. I find myself in constant wonderment of what it is like to kiss a boy, or to pursue a sexual relationship with one. I am certain that my next relationship will be with a boy, and I look forward to being the girl in the relationship.
Removing one’s beard is an extremely painful part of being a transsexual. I opted for laser treatment, and I would describe the experience as deeply spiritual. Every zap is a painful gut check that asks, ‘How important is it for me to become a woman?’ To me, it’s like earning the right to be feminine by enduring great pain. I wonder how few women could tolerate 200 hours of electrical torture for the right to be themselves.

For me, voice wasn’t hard to get the hang of. It was mostly practice with my friends, but formal speech therapy was also useful. It helped to understand all the technical aspects of it – pitch, resonance, easy onset and the like. It also took me a while to understand that much of the male profanity would need to go. This came easily enough with HRT – the reason women don’t use profanity is because it really jars you out of your own little happy world.

Regarding John, he doesn’t exist anymore- let me say, he will be missed. I really appreciate that you were recusant enough to get me through this. I don’t think of you as gone – I am quite like you, only stronger. I am happy, whereas you were not. I can easily smile, which is something you were rarely capable of.

When I think of all the things that I we had to overcome together, it’s
quite a list. The five year crippling Ambien addiction, the splatter-movie mugging of 2002, and the 12 years of religious indoctrination in the guise of schooling – thinking through that alone is an impressive accomplishment. We are tough as nails, Space cat – and no one can take that from us.

That said, you don’t exist anymore, legally or nominally. And today is a day of celebrating what you were able to accomplish – becoming strong to let me become Brianna.

It’s important to me to not allow the fact that I am a transsexual to
overwhelm my life – and from here I’ve got some pretty important things to accomplish. Our government has become openly corrupt, and it is my destiny to be part of a new generation of reporters to make a difference. I’ve got a few books that I need to write, and I need to finish learning Spanish. As I accomplish these things I am sure, being a girl will become more and more tertiary to my thoughts.

And although I might dismiss it, being a girl is a lot of fun. Makeup,
nails, fashion and exercise were all things I took to easily. It is fun to
wear skirts, and to have long hair – but it’s also important to remember, that’s not what being a woman is about. It’s also about the standards you hold yourself to. It’s about your capacity to be weak when it would be easier to be strong.

I don’t know where my life will take me from here, but I do know that I have fulfilled my biological destiny by transitioning. For that alone,
conquering my intense fear – I consider my life to have been an
overwhelming success.

With great pride,
July 14, 2006






    1. I think it’s more about her mindset; some of the word choices leave much to be desired.

      Edit: I.E. (someone already posted it), but the phrase where a man chopping his dick off is common sense.

    2. I personally do, because she’s being called a woman, but really she’s just a dude taking hormones that weren’t meant for her biological sex, and with a little plastic surgery.

      Then take into account, that transexuals, transitioned or not, are extremely mentally unstable – It’s a rough thing for anyone, and I don’t have any ill will toward those who are working through said rough time, but we really shouldn’t take a transexual woman’s word as gospel, or put them up as a “female developer” – because technically they are still male.

  1. Started off seemingly sane. Then the whole boys don’t feel emotion thing and the boys chopping their dick off to become a girl being “common sense” thing happened.
    What. The. Fuck?

    1. “become a girl being “common sense” ”

      Well, given the fact that women have privilege that is invisible except to people with facts and common sense, it seems pragmatic to become a woman if that gives you a massive advantage.

      Look at it this way, if this was an Elder Scrolls game and becoming a vampire makes you into an unstoppable powerhouse, then what reason do you have to NOT become a vampire? Better take advantage since this transformation is OP, and better bitch on the forums to the developers to convince them that it doesn’t need patching and that this is equa-I MEAN- balanced. Yes.

  2. She’s gone from an angry sexist man, to being an angry sexist tranny. Frankly, the wild assumptions that she makes about women is just laughable. I grew up with three sisters, each and every one of them has a potty mouth. Oestrogen and Progesterone have nothing to do with propensity for swearing. Nor do they have anything to do with the desire to be dominant or not. There are plenty of 3rd wave feminists out there who are ultra dominant and would give an “alpha” male a run for his money.

    The entire thing sounds like it comes from the type of person who understands so little about human nature and humanity in general. Someone with a real chip on their shoulder, who sadly will continue to have a chip on their shoulder for the rest of their lives.

    She sounds totally disrespectful towards Heather, which indicates a deep seated disrespect for women. I think this individual, whether it’s Wu or not, should really go and seek psychiatric assistance. It sounds like they have a personality disorder.

    1. It should be obvious they don’t understand human nature / humanity / biology once they start ranting about patriarchy. Humans are a classification of animal, thus we have animal instincts/desires. They also act like the conveniences of the 1990’s were always around and that women were kept in the home because men hated women and had to keep them in their place. Nevermind that the rigors outside the home would’ve led to women having more miscarriages and eventually having evolution make them more burly than they are for those extra rigors.

      They can’t grasp something as simple as that, so actually expecting them to be able to grasp genetic science on a level like that is asking too much.

  3. eh, it’s an interesting read I guess. Kind of fascinating to hear about how various drugs and hormones radically alter your mindset.

    And yeah, it’s spironolactone I think … unless there’s another drug called spirolacetone . I had no idea it lowers testosterone. It’s a diuretic commonly taken for hypertension.

    1. Honestly, between personal experience and reading things like this, I’ll do everything I can to never be medicated again. I will always pick the voices in my head over ever again being a glorified lab rat.
      There may be a place for medication somewhere, but far too many people jump there far too fucking fast. It harms the person on them and everyone around them far more than it helps more often than is acceptable.

    2. It would make sense if it lowered testosterone to help with hypertension. Too much testosterone can hurt even men.

    1. The justification some dude had for cutting off his dick, and surprise a persons personality doesn’t change just because you’ve changed your “written sex.” Assholes are still assholes and so on.

      1. It’s funny how Wu characterizes women as ‘better’ than men in so many non-existant ways – assholes are assholes, and they come in every gender, ethnicity, and other form available. It’s double funny that Wu things somehow she’s a better as a person, but I see no difference between Brianna and her description of John.

    1. And no fucking way are girls “nicer and more cooperative”. This can only come from someone who didn’t socialize with girls growing up or a man hater. My experience as a woman is much different.

      1. Heh, so’s my experience as a dude. As much as I love you all, women can be as sneaky and backstabbing as any bloke.

        Is funny, but remember the feminist joke about ‘if women ruled the world we’d have no wars’…? Past century we’ve had quite a few very powerful female leaders (and may have a female US president soon)… and they’ve behaved in exactly the same way as the male ones.

        1. But you know, if there was even a single male leader anywhere in the world, all the wars were definitely his fault.

  4. Am I right in understanding this?

    A man feels like a woman, so doctors believe this is due to hormones. Instead of reducing the man’s female hormones & increasing the male ones the doctors instead destroy the male hormones and shoot the person up with female hormones then they tell everyone they’re a girl?

    Meanwhile the research says that transexualism is due to in-utereo hormonal exposure that leaves a person with the brain of the wrong gender. Okay, that makes sense for those very feminine boys you see who’ve behaved in a female manner since birth. But what about the increasing number of transexuals who previously lived in heterosexual relationships, had kids and spend decades working in ridiculously masculine jobs (soldier, helicopter pilot, olympic athlete)? There’s no freaking way that’s all been an act just so they can decide they’re a lady when they’re fifty + years old.

    In Britain the other month there was a guy on one of those celebrity reality shows who was ‘transtitioning’ and wants to be a woman. He’s married, has kids and his previous job was as one of the country’s top boxing promoters. Seriously what’s going on here???? Are these middle-aged men being given some weird hormonal treatment for impotence and it messes their brain up?

    1. It’s societal pressure. Being transexual is an easy way to gain status and attention. Everyone will praise you and tell you how “brave” you are. Anyone that attacks you turns you into a “victim” and allows you to status whore 10x more.

      You may not have noticed but right now it is basically not allowed to be heterosexual, and it is very frowned upon to be male. The only solution is to be gay or trans. Men see how women are fawned over, protected, given unlimited passes for shitty behavior, and generally treated like royalty at all times, and they think that will be better than living as a chump cash-machine husband or loveless loser.

      Its not just men who are suffering. I have a 16 year old niece and she came out as gay. I asked if she would ever marry a girl, call her a “wife,” live together, have kids, etc. She made a disgusted face. She isn’t into a serious relationship with a girl, she just isn’t attracted to the boys in her school. They are pussified by their mothers, the oppressive anti-male school system, and our man-hating culture. She said at least half the girls in her school are “lesbians.” It’s just the cool thing to do.

  5. “I find myself obsessed with the importance of always being nice to people, even people I disrespect.”

    – Brianna Wu

    Oh, the irony.

      1. Seriously, where the fact did that idea come from? Woman are just better at delivering attacks that can’t be traced back to their source.

  6. “To me, it’s like earning the right to be feminine by enduring great
    pain. I wonder how few women could tolerate 200 hours of electrical
    torture for the right to be themselves.”

    I don’t know Brianna but last time I checked a lot of women go through childbirth which apparently hurts like a fucker. Some of them even do it more than once.

  7. Just want to remind folks that Wu is not a representative for all transsexuals. Many of them are not the SJW type filled with a fucking stupid, retarded, and myopic feminist agenda. Many, I would go as far to say most, are just like everyone else just trying to survive each day. I agree, fuck Wu and all her bullshit, but don’t let her poor behavior reflect on an entire group.

    1. I was talking to a transexual in GG yesterday, they dont like these nutcases either.

      Wu has lost 10.000 in her pateron, we must celebrate

  8. Really emphasizes the “special snowflake” mentality of sjws. “An exogenous factor that did not compute with the system.” Or, and maybe we could try this: stop spiritualizing clear biological processes?

  9. It is an interesting read to be sure. You can see at this point she still acknowledges the life she had as a man. But now she seems to have reached a point where she so vehemently refuses to acknowledge that which was instrumental in shaping her life no matter how bad it was. Instead these days with the way she speaks it gives you the impression of a woman who dealt with sexual harassment her entire life for being a woman and has nothing to do with being a transsexual.

  10. See, this is what really pisses me off is that they peddled Wu as a female games developer when this ardent nobody first showed up on television. The fact that she’s such a disturbed basket case of a trans person (there are ones that aren’t self hating sexist assholes) explains a lot of her actions. But MSNBC has NO right to peddle her as anything other than Trans. Brianna Wu doesn’t speak for women, because no matter the surgery or the hormones or the appearance, Brianna Wu was not born to the female experience.

    Wu is, in short, “privileged” to have been a male and had the “privilege” to join the “female master race”. Had MSNBC introduced her as a trans developer from the very start, her credibility would have shot out the window because vaginaplasty (south park I <3 you) or not, Wu doesn't know what it's like to struggle as a woman. Wu knows what it's like to struggle as a gay man, and as a man in general I suppose (although men don't typically regard themselves as victims, so…), so this is pure unfiltered bullshit and hypocrisy.

    1. Heck, not even as a gay man, since Wu was dating a woman until right before the transition and admits to having loved her. Just a man with some somewhat feminine tendencies and a ridiculous, politicized hatred of men and crazy, pedestalizing ideas about women.

      1. I’m very doubtful Wu underwent the required psychological testing and therapy before undergoing HRT and surgery. Likely Wu just talked her way around the doctor’s common sense (and possibly threatened them about discrimination) and pushed to undergo this “transformation” which fed into Wu’s ego as special. I’d love to know what the FUCK was so hard about Wu’s life when even after becoming a “woman” mommy and daddy still give her $200,000 to start his own studio. Although part of me wonders if they did that before hand.

        The fact that someone who was a man made a “game” like Revolution 60 and then lauds themselves as a “noted” (the fuck?) feminist and then shills their game based on it being fallaciously empowering to women (the characters look like anorexic Bratz dollz modeled off of Wu’s own self fantasy, and the description of “will you follow your commanders orders or be an asshole” is beyond immature) is nothing short of disturbing.

        Frankly, I don’t think Wu ever stopped playing pretend.

  11. The emotional ranting is utter garbage. Any normal person knows damn well that they have the full range of emotions. Wu sounds like a self hating gay man with some serious emotional problems that a good round of psychiatric medication could have treated. What is that bullshit about “righteous anger, and sympathy and deep emotion” – that mother fucker literally just hates men. It’s all so clear now, especially with the faux feminist outrage and the constant male-bashing Wu engages in. Why are the crazy ones always the most visible?

    1. Its how she projects her experiences of her self hating maleness onto ALL MEN, and treated like an authority, that truly irritates me.

  12. I’ve known a good number of gay men and a few who have gone through transsexual operations and none of them were happier on the other side, two of them said it was a huge regret but they couldn’t go back at that point. These two great people were in their 50s when we talked about this and it was the saddest revelations I’ve ever heard another human being tell. I look at Brianna and see a sad clown, she’s upset and not happy because of X external reason at any given time of day but take away all the static and it’s just her, plain unhappy. Eventually some other horrible entity will slight her and we’ll not hear of her for a long time as she rants at the latest hollow enemy. That’s what keeps her looking out instead of in.

    1. Yeah exactly, it’s sad. It’s considered wrong to tell these people the truth and remind them that changing your gender is impossible and the surgery is a one-way trip. “Ohhhh how dare you tell people the facts! That’s transphobic!” Cultural pressure works both ways. If we stop everyone from voicing facts and common sense, and allow the SJW dimwits to spread this garbage about gender as a social construct, we will end up with a society of dickless clowns.

  13. TL;DR – Brianna Wu’s absurdity REKT.

    ” It makes it possible to cry, to sympathize and even to burn with righteous anger.”

    LOL. I might be weird, I dunno, but I’m pretty sure that men do all of these things – they just don’t expect anyone else to coddle them when they do. I’ve done all these things, and I don’t expect people to coddle me. The only exception in the list is “righteous anger” (or more accurately, self-righteous anger) which men regularly support other men in.

    “Generally speaking, girls are nicer and much more cooperative.”

    LMFAO. Maybe if you’re a dude that chopped off his penis, but I’m pretty sure that biological females hold grudges, slutshame each other, and do a whole lot of other BS that guys don’t generally do to each other. The worst I know of, is guys get in physical fights, but generally still like each other afterwards.

    “Part of female communication is coming to consensus rather than being dominant. ”

    Bullshit. You can see this from highschool on where females will follow the most popular female around, hoping to get attention from boys – Still goes on later in life, too.

    “Also, estrogen makes you live in your own world. I sometimes find myself oblivious to my immediate surroundings concentrating on something as insignificant as a hair on a desk. ”

    That’s called being stoned, and has nothing to do with estrogen…

    ” It also took me a while to understand that much of the male profanity would need to go. ”

    Only if you were going for prissy, stuck up biatch. Plenty of women swear, many even worse than men.

    “I am quite like you, only stronger. I am happy, whereas you were not. I can easily smile, which is something you were rarely capable of.”

    lol, no you really haven’t changed that much ‘Brianna’.

  14. Man, woman, trans or from fucking Jupiter, does not change the fact her game is shit & I will not be purchasing it. THIS IS ALL THAT SHOULD MATTER! Yes, some find it fun to take potshots at her because she’s a fucking loon but she’s doing what Rockstar is doing when State of Emergency for PS2 came out. Drum up a situation to get people to buy it even if ti sucks. They put an “18 or over” sticker on SoE so people thought it was gonna be batshit insane like GTA. It was not. Game was the shits but it sold pretty damn good. Wu’s game will come & go then she will proceed to go do something else with her life. You can’t play the victim forever. If you try, then you’re shown to be the villain.

  15. Since we are all being honest here,,, I used to just think she was a really ugly chick. But that’s mean. So I will says she’s not bad looking for a man.

    1. Or when we do, we’re told to “man up”. We’re told that real men don’t cry, even by feminists. Evil bastards, all of them.

  16. Skipped straight to the comments. Glad I did.

    Wu is nuts, that’s it. This is yet another piece of evidence supporting that claim. There’s Wu’s whole history before the surgeries, and it’s all out there. Simply Google search will bring up videos. Clearly nuts, and it’s fucking amazing that Wu has any influence at all.

    I know you’re reading these comments too. You’re a lying piece of shit that threw tens of thousands of people under an imaginary bus just to profit off of it. The cops are coming, your days are numbered, and I honestly…wholeheartedly, wait for the day they serve a fucking warrant on your ass.

  17. Brianna is pontificating again:

    Who says: “Lastly, I am calling on the Obama administration to arrest and prosecute Fredrick Brennan, the owner of 8chan. 8chan doesn’t just host child pornography, it also runs Baphomet, the most hardcore doxxing and swatting site on the Internet. It’s time for Brennan to face justice”.

    I only know because the WhiteKnight OSNews is talking about it.

  18. “It’s about your capacity to be weak when it would be easier to be strong.”

    Spoken like a true feminist.

  19. “It turns out, girls really admire a boy with enough common sense to chop off their penis.”

    I hope she transitioned because she sincerely wanted to and not just because she has a chip on her shoulder about men being stoical, aggressive monsters.

  20. I wanted to come into this thinking she was reasonable at some point, and at the beginning of the article she just seemed really sad (in an emotional sense not the slang use of the term), but the more i read the crazier she got. And now honestly i think she really is just insane. For the first time since hearing about her i honestly just feel sad for her

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