I’ve been on this earth for 30 years without ever once leaving the borders of the United States. I did travel on a plane back in the 1990’s in order to get to the Bay Area. That was certainly an interesting trip although I won’t be talking about it now. OK, one thing: I do remember the hot ham and cheese sandwich they had on the flight. Fuck, that shit was delicious. I am all but certain the food will not be as good when I travel to the United Kingdom on December 30th, but maybe I’ll end up being surprised?


Regardless of airplane food edibility, I am very excited about my trip. In fact, I am more excited about this journey than I have been for just about anything else in my life’s history. I’m only going to be in the England portion of the UK, so I guess it would be more accurate to call this #EnglishRalph, but fuck it. I think British and English are pretty much used interchangeably, at least by American Southerners. Perhaps some of my readers who live over there can clarify this for me. Either way, it’s too late to change the title now.

What am I going to be doing on this trip, you ask? Well, I’m mostly just there to see a friend, but there will be a couple of other things on the agenda as well. I’ll be staying in Surrey and travelling up to London when needed in order to do sightseeing and shit like that. Master Milo has requested that we have a dinner engagement, so that should be pretty fun. Oh, and I will be doing a video diary of all this. How will that work, exactly?

As of now, I’m planning to do at least a 5-10 minute entry every day, along with interviews and reaction from whoever will get in front of my camera. I can’t speak for Milo as of now, but I will also try to get a small audio segment with him or something. At the very least, there will be plenty of pics from the dinner. In fact, there will be a shitload of pics from everywhere I go, in addition to the video.

Many of you may have heard about me talk about my Patreon recently, and although it’s no fun to shill, I figured I might as well try to tie this trip in with it. Why? For one, I couldn’t really think of any goals that weren’t “I need money for living expenses” and that just sound kinda shitty (even though it’s true lol). This is why the #BritishRalph video I outlined above is tied to me receiving $50 in patronage, but I’m going to do the vid regardless. I just thought it sounded better to have some sort of concrete goal for the supporters. Of course, I do work here and on YouTube all the time, so it’s not like this is the only thing backers would be supporting. Also, the people who actually back me on Patreon, whether I get the $50 or not, will receive access to the video at least a day early. I don’t know if this whole thing is a good offering or not, but I thought it was a decent effort.

Either way, the video should be fun and the trip itself will be even better. If you have some ideas for my stay, sights I need to see, or anything else to add, please chime in down below. I may try to get some kind of meetup going, depending on how things shake out. If you’re interested in something like that, let me know. Other than that, I think that does it for my first #BritishRalph column. Thank you guys for reading and considering the pitch above. By the way, I might do a few more of these columns before I go, focusing on the aspects of British culture that fascinate me the most.