Competing With Myself
I haven’t been writing as much recently, and for that, I apologize. It has nothing to do with the atmosphere here at the “resort”. I’m doing fairly well, truth be told. I’ve lost 41 pounds through diet and exercise. I plan to lose much more before I’m back at my desk. Of course, it still sucks ass being here, but I’m trying to come out with some positives.
The difficult thing about writing while I’m here is that I can’ comment on news and events in real-time. There is no internet access. The newspaper contains information that’s already old before I get to it, plus it leaves out a lot. Not only that, I then have to send out the articles, have them transferred into WordPress, etc. That makes the process even more labyrinthine.
There’s also another aspect, though. The mental challenges I’ve had to face over the last three months have been incredible. For example, it’s very easy to get out of the habit of writing, especially here. These excuses I cited above makes it even easier. Then you have the mental stressors have to do with friends and family, money worries, and a whole host of other concerns. It is always easier to just retreat into your own self rather than spend time creating.
Next year I hope to give a thorough accounting of everything that’s been going on. I purposefully chose not to turn the site into an everyday therapy session while I was absent. But something happened to me earlier today and I think it’s relatable beyond just my own personal circumstances. It certainly drove me back to the pen, which is a silver lining in and of itself.
Basically, a good friend of mine received an amazing opportunity. I can’t go into details, but let’s just say it’s pretty fucking great for them. What’s the problem, you ask? Well, there isn’t one…for them. If I had been home from the “resort” though, I could have celebrated with them. As it stands now, I cannot. And while I am genuinely happy for this dear friend there is some pain on my end. The most hurtful part is that I can only blame myself.
How do I confront this turn of events? I did waste a couple hours feeling sorry for myself. I would be lying if I said otherwise. After that, I picked up the pen and began writing this very post. Because when things don’t go your way, you can either whine or get right back to work. Writers write, no matter the obstacles, no matter the excuses. In 11 days I will be 32 years old. This place is not where I expected to celebrate the occasion, to be sure. But when I look at the full picture there is a lot to be happy about, a lot to be proud of.
Millions of people have visited this site. I’ve been quoted all over the world. Thousands of friends and acquaintances have come into my life. I met and married the love of my life through my work here. Yes, there have been, and continue to be some struggles. Still, I would not change any of it, even the missed opportunity. We must be happy for our friends without letting the jealousy taint that happiness. Don’t ignore it. Feel what you have to feel, put it to the side (because you know it’s wrong), then get back to running your own race. Complete with yourself.
Ok, I guess one therapy session is alright. Expect more from me soon, whenever it ends up actually getting posted. I miss you guys.