Well, good morning ladies and gentleman? Oh, it’s almost 4PM you say (I did start writing at 2:30, at least)? That’s only one of the many benefits of running your own website! The others are being underpaid and sunlight deprived. But, enough of my attempted humor, let’s get down to business. The first item on the agenda today is a report on the new Doom (4) from the Daily Mirror. The author of this hot garbage reaches back to the 90’s for both video game scare tactics & Satanic Panic. You would be forgiven for thinking it’s a parody, but it’s really real. 

Let’s examine this one a little closer. First off, the headline is an instant classic:


The “baying crowd” was a hilarious turn of phrase for Jasper. Yea, his name is actually fucking Jasper. You couldn’t make this shit up if you tried. OK, maybe you could. But reality is a lot funnier. Jasper continues (after quoting Anita lol):

The original game was also known for its extreme violence and satanic imagery, allowing players to take on the role of a battle-hardened space marine who descends into hell.

This latest episode ratchets up the violence considerably, inviting gamers to carve enemies in half with a chainsaw, stomp on their heads and cosh them with blunt weapons.

All of these appalling acts of violence are accompanied by huge gushes of blood – and huge cheers and whoops from the audience at E3.

They particularly enjoyed scenes of brutal hand to hand combat, which often results in enemies’ heads being blown wide open, and a moment which showed the main character using a dead person’s hand to activate a fingerprint scanner.

NOT A DEAD MAN’S HAND! Good lord, I’ve seen all kinds of fucked-up stuff in movies, but I rarely hear for calls to censor them. It does happen, but not nearly as much as with video games. And in fact, the article does ask a question about censorship at the end. Because the hatchet-job apparently wasn’t enough. The vote was already lop-sided even before we all got word of it. As it turns out, most rational people aren’t fans of censorship. Who would have thought?:03AE10Y

No, it shouldn’t be censored, you fucking Nazi. What kind of question is that? Should we censor the shitrag Daily Mirror? Maybe we should do away with the free press as well? Get the fuck out with that nonsense. I can’t even begin to tell you how pissed off a question like that makes me. Expletives don’t do it justice. Still, I’m very glad all this is happening. It’s making people who used to ignore these idiots, or even co-sign them, reconsider their positions. They’re turning people off at a rapid pace, and it’s a beautiful thing to witness.