Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I understand that this Christmas message is a tad late, it took me almost the entire day to get over my Christmas Eve hangover. Pro-tip: Don’t try to out drink people that are much larger and more experienced than you. You’ll be the loser either way.

Since I’m almost certain that my husband will be writing the New Years message, I thought I’d do the Christmas one. It’ll be a nice one, I swear.

Last Christmas (yes, I started singing the song too when I re-read this) I was at a pretty low point in my life. A lot of people expect this Christmas to be the worst Christmas of my life, however, I just don’t feel that way. There was a lot of uncertainty in my life last year. I didn’t feel in control, and for those who are unfortunate enough to me personally, know that I do not do well when I’m in control. I felt university was a waste of my time, I was stressing about my husband’s impending court date, and my father denied my fourth request for a kitten. It was not a good time in my life.

While some pretty shitty things have happened since last Christmas, I won’t bother to list everything because this isn’t THAT type of post, I would say I’m happy. Ralph will be returning in 38 days, Mundane Fatt is getting his shit kicked in, and I still hate everyone. Things are going exactly as I want them to.

I know for a lot of us, it’s easy to see only the bad things around us and get into the comforting sad/anger mood. Even though I hate everyone and everything, I would describe myself as an optimist. The world is not going to hell despite what Twitter feed says. This is not the worst president or prime minister this country has ever seen, we all remember Bush and Nick Clegg. Things are never as bad they seem, so don’t let all the shit you read get you down. And never allow it to cause a rift between you and your family or friends.

So take the next couple of days off to relax, my friends. Hug your family and listen to their boring stories about things you don’t care about, be a selfless ass for once. Refrain from arguing with your cousin with the green/blue/pink hair as they complain about the Bourgeoisie and Trump. Just smile and drink your scotch. Or double fist some scotch as I’m currently doing, whatever works for you.

I’m off to enjoy a Lord of The Rings marathon with my father. We’re going to take a shot every time someone says ‘Frodo,’ pray for my liver.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you’re all having a not-so-horrible day.


Nora Ralph

Student, worker, and Co-Founder of the #Killstream. You can also catch me on TheRalphretort Rundown.

  • Gigaknight

    I hope the day went well for you too. But now for the obligatory part:

    “…I still hate everyone.”

    “Even though I hate everyone and everything…”

    In the words of Ralph, “Is that right…?”

    • Nora Ralph

      They should build a shrine of me.

      • Gigaknight

        That’d be like summoning a demon only for it to kill you immediately after.

        The Moon would surely impact the Earth in your case.

  • Silence Dogood

    I know Ralph and Matt hate each other, but is there a reason beyond Matt being a cuck and Ralph being an edgy boi?

  • Mr0303

    Have a bit belated “Merry Christmas!” message from me, Nora! Hope you had a good time during the holidays.