I wanted to take this moment to graciously accept you thanks for raising thousands of dollars for aspiring female game developers. In the wake of my absolute destruction of BioWare (more on that in the next post) and the lying liars who run the place, some people were angry. We went over that already. Actually, they’re still pretty angry. So much so that they decided to open their wallets and give away their hard-earned (lol) cash to some charity that I had never heard of before yesterday.

Man, that will really show me! I mean, I obviously hate women and all, what, with being engaged to one. Oh, I’m also racist somehow, but I still haven’t figured that one out.

Here’s more on the amazing work we’ve accomplished here at TheRalphRetort.com…

Over the weekend, Naughty Dog artist Alex Neonakis started getting nasty Twitter messages from GamerGaters and other internet cretins. Exasperated, she tweeted some screencaps, along with a message: “I just donated to @GirlsMakeGames in honor of these lovely boys. Thanks guys!” Other developers followed her lead.

By Tuesday, hundreds of game developers had donated thousands of dollars to Girls Make Games, an organization that provides workshops and summer camps to young women who are interested in developing video games. (Before you start asking “why isn’t there a ‘Boys Make Games’?”, consider that, by the ESA’s account, just 22% of game industry employees are women. That’s why.)

Neonakis, who has written for Kotaku about her work on The Last of Us, started seeing angry tweets on Saturday night after she wrote a rant about the vile treatment of an EA animator who worked on Mass Effect: Andromeda. “I’ve worked in this industry for 10 years. I have clawed to where I am today despite people telling me I couldn’t and shouldn’t,” she wrote on Twitter. “And at every damn step some asshole likes to pass it all off as ‘well you’re a girl so obviously that helped.’”

Shortly afterwards, Twitter cretins started sending Neonakis messages, which led her to donate $500 to Girls Make Games. (She donated another $500 today.)…

Following Neonakis’s $500 donation, dozens of other developers tweeted their own contributions, from Uncharted 4 director Neil Druckmann (“I look forward to one of these girls replacing me”) to Firewatch director Jake Rodkin and many more, including staff at Ready At Dawn, Disney, High Moon, Blizzard, and lots of others. 

This brings a tear to my eye, fam. I mean, who couldn’t get behind touching sentiments like this one?

By the way, Kotaku is obviously not “woke” enough, because according this superb site, the game industry is only 12% female, not the 22% cited above. C’mon, Kotaku…it’s 2017! You really need to update your bogus statistics on the problematic nature of gaming.

Anyway, I just thought you guys would love to find out about all the awesome charity work we’re doing around here. I’ve single-handedly done more for young women in gaming than pretty much anyone else on planet Earth.

You’re welcome, feminists.