Arthur Chu, Post-Divorce: "Why Can't I Die Already?"

Arthur Chu, Post-Divorce: “Why Can’t I Die Already?”

I’ve been busy as hell today, but nothing could stop me from coming in here and giving you an update on one Arthur Chu. The last time we left this pathetic excuse for a man, his wife had left him because she was tired of acting as his maid and live-in secretary. Who can blame her? It’s not like Artie reminds anyone of Don Draper. This schlub should have thanked his lucky stars that he even had a wife and not treated the one he finally bagged like shit on his new shoes. Plus, I guess that Jeopardy loot finally running out might have had something to do with her decision as well. I hope she at least got a car out of it, or something.

At least she wasn’t cursed with a Baby Chu.

Well, I’d hoped for the best for Creepy Chu (OK, not really). But things seem to have taken a dark turn. Now, he just wants to die.

I’m not a big fan of the guy, obviously. But this is too much, even for me. Maybe you should seek out some professional help, Arthur? I can’t imagine your mindstate is going to improve much once Donald J. Trump is sworn in as president. The time to act is now, before it’s too late.

Ethan Ralph

Founder, Owner, & Editor-in-Chief of TheRalphRetort.com. Political fiend, gamer, & anti-bullshit.