EDITOR’S NOTE: All Apologies

On August 27th of this year, I traveled to Loudoun County to meetup with a colleague I had done some projects with online. I almost stopped myself from going, several times. Now, of course, I wish I had. At the time, though, I had no knowledge that this visit would change my life in some drastic ways.

Hindsight is 20/20, as they say.

I got drunk and had a dispute with the individual I met up with. That’s about the last thing I remember from the evening. At some point, I made my way down to the lobby of the hotel, fell asleep, and was awakened by Loudoun County Sheriff’s Deputies. I do not recall what happened or even being woken up at all. The next thing that I can clearly bring to my mind is the moment when I was in the Loudoun Adult Detention Center being told by one of the officers who arrested me that I was charged with two felonies. That’s not one of my fondest memories, but it is very memorable nonetheless.

I eventually was released on bail, right after I made headlines across the country for this regrettable situation. Over the last few months, the case has wound its way through the courts. In fact, it’s still winding its way through the courts. However, I hit a certain milestone today that has brought me to the point where I needed to address the issue in detail for the first time. The impetus for this post? In short, I have signed a plea agreement with the Commonwealth of Virginia.

The terms of the agreement are as follows: All charges have been dropped against me except one felony count of assaulting a law enforcement officer, which I have agreed to plead guilty to. I was hopeful that I could get that down to a misdemeanor, but given my actions that night it was not possible. As I said, I don’t remember what happened at all, but that doesn’t absolve me of anything. I put myself in that situation by getting incredibly drunk. Deputies Chavez and Lotz were just doing their jobs and I hold no ill will whatsoever against either of those gentlemen. The responsibility for everything that happened lies completely with me. I apologize to both those men and I am very thankful that no one was hurt, myself included. It would have been easy for Deputy Chavez to harm me severely, but he did not. He was professional and took me into custody with as little force as possible.

The law being what it is in Virginia, my guilty plea on this charge means I will be spending a minimum of 6 months in jail. I’m not going yet, as I said. There’s still court procedures and such. Still, I will likely be in custody before May, at the latest. Jail sucks and this is an outcome I have worked to avoid. But that’s how things work and I have no one to blame but myself. I will serve whatever time is given to me with the full knowledge that I have earned that sentence. Unlike some people who I have written about, I will not make excuses for my plight.

Again, I take 100% responsibility for everything that has happened.

I will be working very hard from now until the day I go in. In my absence, the site will continue. I will submit work as well, although it will obviously be of a different nature. It’s hard to write breaking news stories and daily opinion when it takes awhile to get your work out. That being said, I believe that I can still contribute in a meaningful way.

I want to take this opportunity to also apologize to my fiancé, Nora, my mother, the rest of my family, and all my friends. Even though most of them have not told me so, I realize I have let them down with my actions. Since my release, I have taken steps to make up for it, and I will continue with that mission. I put a burden on them with my legal issues and I will always work to let them know that this unfortunate situation is something that I will make sure improves me, in the long run.

Thank you all for you support during my time of troubles. I want to tell you that I am sorry and that I wish I could take it back. Life doesn’t work that way, though. I appreciate all the writers and commentators who have continued to promote my writing, despite the fact that it would have been very easy to stop associating with me or the site. That’s meant a lot to me, as I see my efforts here as separate from my failings back in August. But I also appreciate all of you readers even more. You’ve made running this site a huge joy in my life and I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. I met my future wife thanks to you, if you think about it. I promise you all that I will not let this bring me under. There’s still a lot more to be done and I consider this a detour that I will come back from even stronger.

I will now return to regular programming and I won’t be talking about this again until the day I go in. Thank you for reading, and I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.

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Ethan Ralph

Founder, Owner, & Editor-in-Chief of TheRalphRetort.com. Political fiend, gamer, & anti-bullshit.

  • axisfiver axisfiver

    will you report on prison life? should be interesting,

    • Well, I’m going to be in the county jail, not prison. But yes, I might write something about that. I haven’t decided yet. I’m not sure If I want the place to turn into my jail blog lol. I might save most of that until I get out.

      • That Guy Who Goes There

        Many great men have spent time in the joint. Not only did they survive, they grew and some point to their time inside as a defining moment that set them on their path. Looking forward to your prison/jail memoir!

        • I am using those men as an example, to be sure. I also plan to put something out about the experience for sure. I may also put out a more general e-book or something before I go in. Time to kick things up a notch and take advantage of every moment.

      • GodBowser

        If your only going to a county jail will that psychotic tranny try to get in contact with the local district attorney to try and get you into prison with a longer sentence?

        At least you owned up to what you did with out passing the blame to someone else witch is what an SJW would do if they were in your situation and if it was Brianna I’m sure she would of blamed it on Gamer Gate

  • Mouth

    You owned all this like a man…I expected nothing less. We all do stupid shit and how we handle the consequences defines us.

    • I appreciate that, Mouth. I just wanted to be crystal clear with this post and not try to pass the blame in any way. This one is on me and I will take whatever comes my way with the knowledge that I earned it through my own actions. Looking forward to taking care of what is required and moving forward into a brighter future, learning lessons from the experience and improving myself.

      • Lost Question

        you owning up to your mistakes still makes you better then most mainstream media

  • movietime blues

    On a good note, you would have a good use for drawing tallies. LOL

    Seriously, god speed and good luck.

  • Sucks bro. Don’t reach over anyone’s plate.

  • BEGreen777

    Get every shot you can get and a physical before you go. Jails are health hazards. When I work in the VA prison system, TB and Hep was a big concern.

  • D-Bone

    You aren’t the only friend I have that has/will serve time. Friendship is to me is a matter of loyalty, honesty, and respect. I’ll still be around when you serve the time and get out. I’m glad you have an idea of where this situation is going now and at least you can start planning it all out and preparing to deal with it. You’re very lucky to have a strong support network and a good sound woman behind you that will be supporting you 100%. I’m glad to know both of you and I think that this will only make your bond with Nora so much stronger as you two progress and start building your future. Although this news isn’t the best, it made me smile that she’s right there with you on it and will be staying by your side.
    I suppose the only question I have is have they told you what will remain on your record after this? Is there any stipulations of your plea that will give you some leniency in that regard? That’s the only thing I was really worried about after I read this. Hopefully asking you this isn’t out of line in your eyes. If you can’t answer, I understand that. Once this is all done, I could probably help you out professionally if you ever need a character reference. I’m not sure what your career plans are once this is behind you, but as someone who has a lot of professional ties to law enforcement through my own career, I’m sure I could make things a little easier for you going forward. PM me is you need anything through twitter or facebook if you want as well.

    • Thank you for this comment, D. The one thing that’s actually sort of a relief is knowing what the deal is now. Jail sucks ass, but I don’t have the unknown hanging over me and can start to prepare. I’ll also get to see Nora again before I go in, which will be very nice. I am very lucky to have her, my family, and all of you.

      As for the plea, as far as I know the charge will be staying on my record. I plan to do this for the foreseeable future, so it doesn’t really matter much. There’s already several political commentators who are felons haha. Still, there may come a time where I want to get a side job or do something else, so your offer is definitely one I will keep in mind. My voting rights will be suspended here in Virginia, but they’ve been restoring those, so I’ll probably get those back too.

      Thanks for the support, man.

      • D-Bone

        No problem buddy, glad you’re in a good frame of mind.

  • masterninja

    As rough as this is and the amount of shots people will be taking at you over this, this was probably the best way to address it! You still have a few months to prepare so make sure you spend that time wisely.

    I suggest thinking about some goals you wanna reach that are attainable during your time there. Maybe start working on them a bit before you have to go, so you are already in that mindset before you enter.

    You are taking this the best way any man could and will have a positive thing to look forward to inside. Stay strong and as friends I will obviously be there for you before, during and after!

    • Well, I knew it would be coming out soon anyway, so best to just have it come from me. Also, I wanted to comment on the incident and I had promised that I would, so here we are.

      Agree with you 100% on the goals and starting them even before I go in. I am definitely going to be approaching things in that way. Thank you for your support, Ninja. You’ve always been a good friend ever since I’ve known you.

  • Alex Barbu

    You might be a jerk sometimes, but at the end of the day you’re still a good man. Stay safe in there, try not to drop the soap and keep your spirits up.

    • Thanks. And I know people always make this joke (I’ve heard it like 100 times now), but to be clear, it’s really not like that in there lol. Main things that suck are the beds, the good, and being away from loved ones. I never once worried about being raped haha.

  • ThatGuy

    We’ll all be here when you get back man. Just keep your back straight and your upper lip stiff. This isn’t the end of the world. We’re all proud of you for owning this shit, something few of the folks who beef with you would be capable of in any capacity.

    • Most of the people that talk shit about me are deviants and/or people who have nothing to offer the world in any way. I understand their bitterness, to be sure. I, too, would be bitter in their shoes. Thank you for the words of support!

      • ThatGuy

        Anytime boss. I’m glad to see that you’ve taken a shit pill and swallowed it without a single gripe. It’s rare to see people own their mistakes like this, so it’s legit inspiring.

  • poopface

    Say hi to Bubba. Dont drop the soap!

  • Mykeru

    You aren’t a complete person until you have been fully tested, you will probably be stronger for all of this. Prison can be a time to reflect on things, maybe read some books, you may meet some interesting people (even if you have to avoid some of them). The strange thing will be that a lot is going to happen politically in the next six months and it will feel like a completely different country when you come out.

    • There are interesting people in there. It’s not quite like what people think. I mean, in some ways it is, but in others it’s definitely not.

      One thing I’m glad of is that I got to stay out to see the election and comment on it. I’ll also be out for the first portion of Trump’s presidency, which I’m also happy about. But you’re right, things will move fast while I’m inside. Thanks for your words. It’s definitely a test, but it’s one that I’m looking forward to passing.

  • That Guy Who Goes There

    Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’

  • RuralScot

    Bummer. You have my best wishes.

    • Thanks man.

      • Last Redoubt

        You may want to talk to the author Peter Grant. The castalia house blog recently reviewed his book on prisons and did an interview, and while he hadn’t been behind bars, as a prison chaplain he’s had experience inside them

  • GuitarAnthony
  • DV

    Good for you Ralph to owning this from the start. We’ll be here for you when you get out..hopefully earlier then the 6 months.

    Also, D-Bone has offered you a tremendous offer in his post.

    • D-Bone is a great guy and it’s much appreciated for sure. Unfortunately, in Virginia, you have to do the full 6 months if you plead guilty or are found guilty of this offence. So, I’ll be doing at least that much time, minus the ten days I already did.

  • Aw fuck, man, this sucks so friggin’ much 🙁 The fact that you’re owning this and doing everything you can to make things right is commendable, but it still sucks so much ass that you’re actually going to be jailed and there’s nothing you can do about it. People get away with doing so much worse in this world, I can’t imagine how it must feel for someone knowing what’s coming.

    Best of all the luck in the world, Ethan, I’m sorry everything came to this.

    • Appreciate your thoughts, Sabin. Yes, there is absolutely no doubt that it sucks bigtime. I’ll get through it, though. And there’s still time to have some fun and enjoy life before I go in. That, and making sure my mind is right, affairs are in order, etc, is what I’m focused on.

  • TooManyCucks

    Ralph this is sad news indeed, but you really have dealt with it like a boss. At least it’s not for a while so you have some time to prepare both mentally and practically speaking. Your friends are your friends and we’re not going anywhere, and as I said somewhere else if you need anything you just have to shout. Gonna miss the hell out of having you around for 6 months so let’s make the most of our time before then and wreck some SJW’s buddy 🙂

    • Thank you man, you’re one of the best people I’ve met online and I’m thankful everyday to call you a friend. And I agree, let’s take full advantage of these next 3-4 months by wrecking the usuals!

  • Cenobite

    Wu, Quinn, and Harper are all going to cackle like Scottish witches round a cauldron. Right thing to do Ralph hold your head up, and walk tall. Do remember to laugh at the three crones of Gamer Gate while inside, know your crew here will probably be catching salt in barrels from the three.

    • Oh, I know they will celebrate. That’s fine. I don’t blame them. But TheRalphRetort.com isn’t going anywhere. And yes, I know that the salt will never stop from those three haha.

  • Typical

    Watch the cornhole dude! Good luck, we’ll be here, now let’s cue up all the retards claiming Nora is hijacking the site…

  • Stay strong man. The fight against the SJWs will continue and we’ll be there every step of the way.

    We’ll be thinking of you.

    This might sound odd, but people do tell me that time in jail is a good time to get yourself fit, and you could use the opportunity to work out (assuming facilities are available) without having any distractions of real life. If possible, get to lifting the weights and come back out stronger.

    Once you get out, there will be plenty of SJWs for you to kerb-stomp.

    • I lost a good bit of weight, but stalled out before I got where I wanted to be. I do intend to use this time to get fitter. Plus, the food mostly sucks, so that will help keep the calories down lol.

  • Typical

    Good luck, now we get to see the idiots claiming Nora is hijacking the site come out of the gutter.

  • Dave The Sandman

    Thats a rough hand mate….but props to you you are playing it like a proper geezer. Take your stripes, learn your lesson, emerge stronger and wiser with your head high and your chest out.
    Make us all proud mate!
    Just dont come out all Jeeeezus’d up or covered in shitty priaon tats eh? 😉

    Best of luck bro….we are all still standing by your side.

  • Toastrider

    And that is what separates the grownups from the children. Grownups take responsibility; children rarely do

    I strongly recommend reading Peter Grant’s ebook on prison life, ‘Walls, Wire, Bars and Souls’. Grant worked for a time as a prison chaplain, and has some fairly cogent views on the correctional system.

    I don’t know if this is a first offense for you — if it is, combined with your clear willingness to accept responsibility for your actions, it suggests you might have an easier time of it than most. I was hoping you’d get a suspended sentence, but regardless what happens, if you have to do the time, do the time. Don’t let the time do you.

    Good luck, and hopefully we’ll be in a position to send care packages to you.

  • fnd

    I still think Ralph is a good boy and didn’t do anything wrong.

  • Mr0303

    That’s a shame to hear, but like others pointed out Ralph addressed it like a man and took responsibility for his actions. I respect that.

    I hope that Ralph won’t have to serve the full 6 months. Hey, who knows. Maybe The President can pardon him at some point. In any case I’ll keep reading the site, which has been a huge source for entertainment for me.

    • You’re one of the best around here, Mr0303. Thanks for chiming in as often as you do, I enjoy reading your comments.

      • Mr0303

        Thanks for the compliment, Ralph. You have my support.

  • Riddle

    Good on you for taking responsibility for your mistakes, making amends to the officers, accepting justice. These are the hallmarks of a man. I can only assume that there will come times when it’s really fucking hard inside. Don’t give up. Hold on to the virtues you are exhibiting in this post, because if you do, there WILL be better days ahead. I’ll pray for you buddy.

    • Thanks, Riddle. And yes, it wasn’t the easiest post I’ve ever written and it is hard sometimes. I just wanted to get out in front and own everything, then work my hardest to move past it.

  • Iso

    All the best Ralph and I hope this site fights the good fight and keeps on exposing Wu and the others. No doubt they will make light of this and play it as those demonic alt righters who voted Trump and Brexit. From across the pond, you’ll get through this!

  • WalterFuques

    Well stated and well handled, sir.

  • Silence Dogood

    Something something anal joke, something something try to relax.

  • DRouwnt

    All the best for your future Ethan and your lovely fiance. Dont let this bring you down. Let it be a lesson for your future and make something positive out of it.
    We all make mistakes, you just had a bad timing.

  • I wish that more people would stand up and accept accountability for the negative consequences of their actions, as you have unequivocally in this post.

    I used to visit one of my friends up at Blundeston nick in the UK. He had some funny stories and also a few grim ones. He bartered packets of crisps for art supplies and sent me home-made birthday cards, I still have them, along with the guitar he was allowed to have towards the end of his sentence, which his mother gave to me following his death.

    The impression I was given from my visits is that prison is harder on the psyche than on the body. Keep yourself busy. Keep your mind active and focused on something positive. And when they let you out, leave any residual anger you have behind. My friend could never do that.

  • Nic_223

    Alcohol is extremely dangerous in very high quantities. I never took it so serious either untill one day I had an drunken argument and just turned violent having to be restrained by my family. It is really like some alien creature takes control. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Its those moments where you can end up stabbed or shot to death. or you might murder someone. It is scary stuff , I won’t preach and say never drink another drop but be careful with how much there is a threshold you dont want to cross. You will destroy your own or someone elses life. Ruin your relationships.

  • Brad Donald

    Its 6 months, Dinesh Desouza had a wild ride too. Try to learn as much as you can from the experience.

  • Frank Riese

    I’m sorry this is happening to you. How is the felony going to impact you? Are you still going to be able to vote? Will you have a way to eventually have it removed or at least sealed in some way on your record?