verified Twitter Ralph

Longtime readers of this site know that I love Twitter…maybe a little too much. There’s something about the service that keeps pulling me back in. The way you can read news as it happens, the instant analysis on said news from people you love and hate, the ability to shitpost with or against some of the most famous people in the media and entertainment…to me, it’s simply unparalleled. I even met my future wife on there!

That’s not to say I haven’t had plenty of gripes about how they run the place. In fact, I’d say I’ve been one of their biggest critics over the last couple years. But every time I talk trash about Jack Dorsey or his co-creation, I always preface it with my love of the base capabilities of the platform. I really do enjoy it and find it to be a lot of fun. I don’t want it to fail. I want it to thrive, whether that’s under new ownership or not.

One of the cool things Twitter has done lately is open up their verification process. This doesn’t mean that anyone can get verified, but it does mean that anyone can apply. What is the criteria, you ask? Well, there’s a few rules you have to follow on your profile, which is why I ended up switching my name from TheRalph to Ethan Ralph (even though they let some people slide on this). The other thing is they have to feel like your account one of “public interest.”


I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I do not feel like I’m some big deal. I remember when I would come here, write something, and be very lucky if 30 people read what I had to offer. Now, I get thousands of readers per day. That’s still doesn’t make me some legend, as there are much bigger sites and personalities on the block. However, I am in that top 5-10% when it comes to readership and influence. And, given some of the people they’ve verified lately (*cough*Oliver Campbell*cough*), I definitely think I deserve that designation as well. Some of these guys don’t even really do anything. Love me or hate me, but I’m out there most days putting in work.

Thankfully, Twitter agreed with me.

Given all the trash MundaneCuck has directed my way over the last week or so, I figured it was only fair to have some fun at his expense. I know you readers will understand this. Still, he wasn’t the biggest one to sperg out, although he did call Twitter a “dying platform.” I had to ask myself why he wanted to be verified so bad if it was indeed on death’s door (he went so far as to put his full name on there like I did, in a bid for verification, no doubt), but I kept that retort to myself. OK, I did until now.

The thing about Twitter is, yes, it’s not the biggest platform. Yes, growth has been pretty stagnant lately. Yes, the execs have made some dumbass moves here and there. All that is true. Another thing that’s true is almost every single major player in media and in entertainment maintains a Twitter account. Many of them, especially in the media, use it religiously to pontificate and to collect information. They use it to network as well. To say the platform is irrelevant is to deny reality. There’s a reason Matt keeps his big ass on Twitter all day, after all…and it’s not for his health.

OK, I’ll stop picking on Jarbo. The thing is, he’s not even the one who was most triggered by my verification, as I mentioned. The army of haters I’ve accumulated from both “sides” over the last couple years were the ones who most had their panties in a twist. Despite the fact that millions of people have visited this humble site over the last 9 months, despite the fact that 500,000+ visited last month alone..these people just can’t understand why Twitter would recognize yours truly as one of their elite users.

I guess when you spend so long denying reality, it gets hard to break through to the real world. In that real world, I’m an influencer and they’re nobodies. I’m sure that hurts the ole ego, but the truth is painful at times.

I don’t want them to accept the future they chose too soon, though. Why? Because I’m having way too much fun laughing at their dumbasses.

A shitty blogger? That’s all in the eye of the beholder. But even if I was, it would still be about 500 levels above the retardation of that account.

No. You really can’t. You can’t even get laid, how are you gonna get a blue check?

This is the reaction you produce when you live in a fantasy bubble with your chucklefuck friends. We’re shifting the narrative here on These losers just can’t accept it. Sad!

Wow, here’s someone who still has the blue Toshi avatar from the heyday of GamerGate (fall 2014). I feel too sad for this poor fool to even take a shot. Their life is pathetic enough already without me adding to their troubles. Needless to say, a nonentity like “Plipster” having one of these avatars in the first place shows you just how worthless they are as a status symbol (although they are excellently drawn). And yes, I have one myself. So, it’s not about being bitter, before some of the haters and other assorted freaks go there.

Fair play to you, sir.

Ah, we had to have Izzy drop in there at the end. We were missing Bryan “KingOfPol” Dunn, though. He was supposed to be suing me the last I heard, and he even uploaded a now-deleted video to YouTube to talk about his autistic mission. I have a copy of it, Bryan, keep that in mind. But, Izzy will have to do. It seems like hes bitter that no-count feminists aren’t getting verified, or some shit? He doesn’t name any of them, of course. I know Twitter also verified Zoe Quinn, Randi Harper, Brianna Wu, and other people of that ilk recently. So, I’m not sure why he’s so salty. I guess that’s just his nature, you guys. I, for one, am thankful it is.

I hope you enjoyed all this as much as I did. Please feel free to drop any tweets I missed or left out down below (and I know there are plenty), in the #BasedCommentSection.